How to Keep Your Self-Esteem as the Years are Marching All Over Your Face.

So you turned 40.

And before you knew it, another year flew by and you’re approaching your next birthday.

As you look in the mirror, you notice that the years are making their statement, loud and clear. The skin no longer appears like you just turned 25, and the pounds are creeping in faster then you can chew. Having this daily enlightenment in front of the mirror can trigger a big depression. However, if you look from the other perspective you can (and should) take a totally different approach.

Yes, as my friend has bluntly pointed out, the years are marching all over my face, and probably yours. My reply to that is, so what?! Haven’t we earned every wrinkle?

Every muscle that is a bit loose still holds our facial expressions extremely well. So if the skin sags a little, it’s no big deal. When we were younger, it was a painful experience removing zits and getting lectured on the evils of sugar. Now we get to enjoy relaxing facial massages and soothing cleansing masks.

Of course, sugar is still our enemy, and is now accompanied by a host of starches that don’t belong in our diets. And alcohol seems to have more of a negative impact on our brains and bodies than it used to, so we should probably leave that behind as well.

On the other hand, an army of plastic sergeants eagerly awaits the opportunity cut into our skin, inject us with rat poison, and lipo fat from places we didn’t even know existed. And for the privilege of looking a few years younger, we get to pay for their services like a mortgage amortized over 30 years. Is that a deal or what!

For the disciplined, there are health clubs within walking distance of each other, preaching nutrition, exercise, aerobics and weight lifting. There are hordes of personal trainers standing by, who are more than willing (for a fee) to listen to us bitch and moan the whole hour on the exercise bike or treadmill.

And there are creams, made with exotic ingredients, for every possible situation. There are special inventions to lift your eyes, neck, breast and anything else you might think of. There are even bathing suits guaranteed to make you look 10 pounds lighter.

Today’s fashions allow us to wear just about anything, but let’s not get carried away and make fools of ourselves. It is not okay for a 40+ woman to wear a short miniskirt and think she looks “hot.” Remember—everything in moderation (and I don’t care how good your legs look!).

Fabulously40 women today are at their best. Many of us tackle new careers, run marathons and date men 15 years younger. Heck, some of us are even having kids for the first time. Regardless of the circumstances, this is our time to realize that lines on our face do not make us older, they make us stronger!

No longer do we have to buy into preconceived notions about getting older. We can be verbal about our true feelings, we can conquer any challenge, and we know that if we lasted this long, we can do just about anything. We don’t have to work harder, just smarter.

We do, however, need to remind ourselves that after 40 it’s all about us. This is our time to be “high maintenance.” As long as we allow ourselves to be just a bit more self-centered, as long as we stay focused on being positive, and as long as we try to love ourselves more than anyone else does, self-esteem will not be an issue, no matter how many wrinkles keep showing up in the mirror.

Cheers, Yana

Gravity can take it’s toll as long as we have ways to lift us up will be okay

Stress Free Thanksgiving

Throughout history, harvest festivals and thanksgiving celebrations were held by the ancient Greeks, the Romans, the Hebrews, the Chinese, and the Egyptians. Centuries later, we still gather with family and friends at this time of year to say a prayer and give thanks for the earth’s bountiful blessings.

Unfortunately, the many hours of slaving in the kitchen, preparing the house for the guests and getting everything organized often makes us tired, agitated and stressed out. By the time the guests arrive, we are too worn down and out of breath to enjoy the holiday and the company of the ones we love.

This Thanksgiving, I propose something different.

For many years, the above scenario described most of my Thanksgivings. In fact, every year I drove myself (and everyone else) to exhaustion with my elaborate preparations. Worse, the stress started long before any of the guests showed up at the door.

Each year we invited 23 people, because that’s how many could fit at our formal dining room table. And that’s where the stress started. Who should we invite this year? Who will get their feelings hurt because they weren’t invited? No matter whom we invited, it seemed that someone important always got left out.

After agonizing over those decisions, the invitations then had to be designed and mailed -- another time-consuming and stressful activity. God forbid I should entertain the idea of buying ready-made invitations! No, they had to be custom designed and printed in order to be good enough for my family and friends. And of course the house had to be decorated and spotlessly cleaned.

I always began cooking three days ahead because I insisted on preparing everything from scratch, including the bread and chocolate truffles. For some reason it was not permissible to buy a loaf of the best bread or ready-made dough. Even with all the advance preparations, when Thursday arrived I was up at 5 a.m. and in the kitchen scrambling to get all the food cooked and ready to go. By the time our guests arrived at 5 pm., I was ready to tell them all off and go to sleep.

That’s when the real fun began! Someone needed this drink or that juice, this spice or that seasoning, or some other stupid thing that wasn’t on the table. I ran around in circles trying to be the perfect hostess, and when the guests finally departed, my husband and I cleaned for 24 hours.

When it was all over, the only thing I was thankful for was that I didn’t have to do it again for another 12 months!

A Baja Thanksgiving

This went on for many years, until after one particularly hectic Thanksgiving feast my husband announced that he had had enough. “From now on,” he proclaimed, “we will no longer be in town for Thanksgiving. Instead, we will celebrate this wonderful holiday somewhere outside of the country.” (That way, I would not get any ideas.)

Being an obedient wife, I obliged. My husband took the matter into his hands and we now spend every Thanksgiving weekend in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. Some years our parents and friends join us; other years it’s just the six of us. We eat whole grilled fish instead of turkey, and everyone has a grand, stress-free time.

Now, I’m not suggesting that you ditch your family and friends and run away to Mexico. But ladies, please, the time has come to stop stressing ourselves out over this or any other holiday.

If you insist on staying home and cooking, make it easy on yourself. If you haven’t already heard, many grocery stores offer whole complete Thanksgiving dinners ready to go. You simply tell them how many people you need to feed and they do all the cooking for you. All you have to do is drive to the store and pick everything up on Thanksgiving Day.

If you still want to cook, don’t be afraid to cut a few corners. Buy the loaf of bread at your local bakery. No one will notice that you didn’t make it yourself. Use Pepperidge Farm ready-made stuffing and cranberry sauce in a can. If you’re making the turkey, marinate it ahead of time and place it in the fridge. Try to do as much as possible in advance so that you have nothing to do except put things in the oven on the actual day. That way, you can spend more time decorating your feast than actually cooking it.

Before your guests arrive, take a nap for 20 minutes, followed by a hot shower. Do your make up, hair and nails, and please remember why everyone is coming over. This is a holiday in which we give thanks for the things we have and the people around us. Let’s enjoy our family and friends and look forward to the next year.

Warning

This “laid-back” approach may not appeal to anyone younger than 40. (Like I said in my last article, wisdom comes slowly.) But if you’re looking for a more joyful and less stressful Thanksgiving holiday, it just might work for you.

Cheers, Yana


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How to Remember All Birthdays, Anniversaries and Holidays

Everyone likes to feel special—it’s part of our human nature! Why not develop a personal system that remembers birthdays, family and friends wedding anniversaries and a schedule that sends holiday cards on time, every year, so that the process is fun, rather than, a dreaded experience!.

Friends and acquaintances are amazed by my ability to remember everyone’s birthday or anniversary—some cannot believe that I actually have these dates written down. The days of having the ability to remember what I had for breakfast yesterday are long past (“Al” Alzheimer and I are becoming faster than I want friends these days!).. I do, however make it a point to remember and record those significant dates when I meet new acquaintances . I record a person’s birthday and mailing/email address into my Pocket PC phone device, which I later sync with my computer at home.

In the days before computers, that kind of recording was transferred year-to-year ,by hand, into my “little black book”, and honestly , I miss those times. If, for some reason you forgot a birthday, you at least had the excuse that you did not glance at your Day Timer. Now the cell phone will ring, the computer will have pop-up menus, and unless one is visually and auditory-impaired, there is no excuse TODAY!

When my first child was born, I decided that I would send a holiday card, along with her photograph, every year to all of my family and friends. My husband thought I was a bit crazy and he would say, “ . . . besides, no one appreciates all your hard work and effort,” but I strongly disagreed. Almost twenty years later (and equal number of holiday cards delivered), I can only say that as my immediate circle of family and friends grew, so too did the number of holiday cards in my mailbox. Most of my family and friends thought it was a great idea to keep in touch and they too, reciprocated by sending photographs of their growing family. And “God forbid . . . ” someone did not receive a holiday card—I would never hear the end of it!

Many years ago I designed a system for sending holiday cards on time which included the participation of the entire family. I have refined this system over the years, and by doing so I no longer have to worry about being late and stressed. Everyone of my four children remind me in November that we need to discuss the design and place the order for our cards. A few years ago, they not only ordered them, but they began designing the cards themselves—in other words they took over the process and were proud of their work—I was too! As a matter of fact, that is how my son became computer savvy—he had no choice in the matter. Each year I wanted a “unique” card, and each year ended up being better than the prior one. I certainly did not want to pay top prices for someone else to design it when I had the recourses right at home! My son’s only alternative was to learn how to work the graphs of his computer.

I promise you that if you follow these simple steps, the holiday card writing process will be very easy and rewarding for everyone in the family—it is a great activity for all ages!

Please keep in mind that Chanukah has different date of celebration every year, some times it is as early as the first week of December, because the celebration lasts eight days even if you mail out your cards on the 7th of December you will still be on time.

ORGANIZING 101:

TIMELINE

Decide as a family if you are going to use a group photograph on your holiday card. If so, make sure you take that picture no later than during the Thanksgiving break—the children are homework free and are spending lots of time at home.


* BY November 30th :Process and chose a photograph,. Print as many as needed.

* BY December 1st: Buy a “ready” card so that the photo can be pasted on. Buy cards inexpensively at Costco or any other discount store. Keep in mind you can get a “super deal” if you buy cards right after the holidays and store them for the following year—it’s a double bonus!

* BY December 3rd:Update your address book constantly throughout the year be diligent about this. If you have followed this advice you will accomplish two things; your address book is current and up-to-date; and when you need your address book during the hectic holidays you do not have to hunt down every little piece of scrape paper you secretly stored –the information is ready at a “click”.
Once you have your updated list, print out the information along with labels or envelopes that you plan to use.

* BY December 5th: One night after homework, gather your children around the dining room table (remember any child 3-years or older can participate). Place the youngest in charge of pasting the picture on the front or inside cover of the card (depending on the layout everyone agreed to). If it is a little off center—everyone you send the card to will know it was made by the loving hands of your future graphic artist-in-training,
Rachael (age 4). Have them place the labels and stamps on each envelop.

* BY December 6th: Now take this stack of “done” cards and envelops and gather around the table one last time and have everyone sign each card along with a personal greeting from you.Place each card in its’ appropriate envelope, and place a check mark on your list of names and addresses that was printed earlier. (do not seal the envelop just yet)

You are now ready to send you cards, so why are they not sealed? Well, it is only December 6th, if you are sending your cards for Christmas you have at least two weeks to get them sent out on time. What if someone had something special happen to them from the time that you addressed the card? Or what if that someone became sick, or is feeling blue? Built into this system is flexibility to add, at the last minute, words of encouragement and care.

When you seal each card (a chore that your children or grandchildren love doing), make sure to place the second check mark on the printed sheet, with the names and addresses, just to make sure that you have addressed, stamped, & sealed each card. Now, go deliver them to the post office!

Birthday and Anniversary Cards

Buying cards in bulk is a real score. Whenever I see a nice box of “Thank You”, “Birthday” or “Anniversary” cards, I buy few boxes at a time. And always remember to have plenty of stamps on hand either in a roll of 100’s or in decorative sheets.

Costco sells card sets for $15.00 dollars, and hand-made varieties for every occasion. This is a great value, and the cards are awesome!

I do not send a birthday card to everyone in my address book. Just like most of us we are all too busy. However, there are a few people in life that deserve some recognition. For those in that “special” category I take the time, placing “life” on hold for 5 minutes, and write a hand-written wish for them on their birthday or anniversary.

To do this, print your calendar on the first of each month. Select the ones that will receive cards, address them, write you wishes, place a sticker on which day the card has to be mailed, but again, do not seal the card. Remember, anything can happen between the 1st of the month to the time that you go to the post office.. This way a few special lines can be added to your greeting without having to re-write the card.

On the correct day mail the card (allow for 2 days for local delivery and 5 days for across the country), and call on the day of the birthday or anniversary. Guaranteed you will not only make their day, but yours as well!

REMEMBER—this method works if you actually follow it!

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Life's Embarassing Moments

Our house is always full of teenagers.

Every child has at least two to three close friends. Our house is always ear piercing as all of them show up for dinners, lunches, or just to vegetate out on our couch. Multiply that by four of our own kids, and the numbers become significant.

Having so many teens with a healthy appetite, I always make sure to have enough food on the table and in the fridge to keep them from eating junk food. Every night when we sit down to dinner we usually have enough food to feed ten to twelve people. However, last night we ran out of food. My son was mortified. He couldn’t believe how that was possible that people showed up and we didn’t have “enough food.”

I shrugged my shoulders and said: “That’s what happens when nine more people show up for dinner unexpectedly.” My son responded that he was still embarrassed.

If he thought that was embarrassing, I have another story to tell you.

It was a hot summer night. Our oldest daughter who occupies the bedroom downstairs was visiting her friend in college. I woke up at 4:30 in the morning thinking how hot it was. Our air-conditioning unit recently broke upstairs and I decided to go downstairs to our air-conditioned first floor to sleep in my daughter’s bedroom. As I opened her door I saw a silhouette of my son who was sleeping in her bed. I found It amusing that he too was hot and decided to come downstairs. With eyes half closed, I was about to get in bed next to him as the next door opened and my other daughter appeared dressed for work. She asked me why I was downstairs, I told her that I’ll be sleeping with her brother in our daughters bed because it was too hot upstairs.. She told me that her brother was sound asleep in his own bed, and what I saw in my daughter’s bed was his best friend who was spending the night.

I saw my daughter’s expression change as she saw my face twitch. She saw my eyes open widely and have the look of a mad woman staring back at her. The thought that I almost got in bed with my son’s best friend was beyond anything I could comprehend.

Now this can be told as a joke at a gathering or looked back as one of life’s close-call embarrassing
moments. However, at the time I wasn’t laughing.

I was just grateful for my hardworking daughter who happened to be at the right place at the right time.

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College on almost a dime...

Raising four children very close to the same age, my husband and I always stressed over the college fees that awaited us.

By now, most of the parents know that unless you have a genius in your family, or a supper athlete, scholarship is a far fetched alternative.

I adore my children and think that they are all pretty smart and determined, but geniuses and supper athletes they are not. As they got older I realized that scholarship wasn’t the only issue. Now-days unless they have a GPA of 4.0 or greater a good university is not within their reach.

As my oldest daughter graduated from high school with a 3.6 GPA, my husband and I were elated when she was accepted to a reputable UC school. Elated and shocked, because many of her friends didn’t get in. You see 3.6 is not good enough now days.

My other daughter at about the same time announced that high school was not a place she wanted to be for the next two years, and she was determined to take a proficiency test and start attending community college.

Luckily for us, we have heard about the TAG program and thought it was a great idea. Both my son and my daughter took the proficiency exam and passed. At that time my husband and I were forced to make a decision, do we make them stay in school or allow them to go to college that year.

After few weeks of contemplation we decided that while our daughter who was 16 at the time was responsible enough to attend community college, our son, on the other hand who was 17 was to remain in school.

Fast forward a year and a half later, and I can happily report that this by all means was the right decision. Our daughter is doing great and is almost done with all of her requirements, she will have no trouble at all transferring to any UC or State school of her choice.

Our son has graduated High School and began his first year in community college. He is now much more wiser and grown up compared to last year.

If your kids are getting average grades, and not scoring supper points on the football field, I encourage you to look into this program in your community college. The program allows your child to complete two years of required units and transfer to University as a third year student. Your child has to be at least 16 years old to take the proficiency test. Even though this is probably not be the “college” experience your son or daughter is looking for, for the first two years, but it will take away not only financial burden away from you, but much of the stress on getting them into the “right” college.

Currently the only aspect of college that my husband and I stress over, is when our middle daughter transfers to the university of her choice, after two years of community college she will transfer as a Junior, which means that she will be graduating at the same time as our oldest daughter. We are now trying to figure out, who will attend who’s graduation, if they happen to be on the same day in two different cities.

But this is the kind of stress I can handle.

All the best,
Yana


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Breaking Up Is Hard To Watch

What can be worse than breaking up with your first love?

Think back to that magical first time you fell in love.  Remember the butterflies in your stomach, the sparkle in your eyes, and the stupid smile on your face?  How even 10 minutes apart from your newfound love could seem like an eternity?  How the simple act of holding hands could make you feel like the most special person on the planet?

Now fast-forward a few weeks, a month, or perhaps even years ahead, and what happened?  You broke up and went your separate ways, most likely never to see each other again. 

Nothing prepared you for the pain, the tears and the emptiness that ensued.  The smile vanished from your face, the sparkle left your eyes, and all you had left was a big, empty hole in your stomach.

Remember how it felt like the end of the world, like nothing could ever hurt that badly again?  Well, here it is 25 years later and you realize that the pain you felt then cannot even remotely be compared to what you’re going through now. 

What on earth could possibly be worse then breaking up with the love of your life?  The answer is simple -- it’s watching your child break up with the first love of her life. 

You know that it almost doesn’t matter what you say in order to make her feel better.  You remember (even if it was a quarter of a century ago) how your own mother consoled you and promised that the pain would go away and you would love again.  You remember how you spent hours crying yourself to sleep, wishing that it was all just a dream.  And you recall that it took time, and many dates later, to realize that life wasn’t over and the best was yet to come. 

Most of all, you want to wave a magic wand to take the pain away and make everything all right.  Instead, you rock your “baby’ in your arms, bite your tongue, and try not to say all the things that seem right and necessary, the same words of wisdom your own mother had for you.  You hold her tightly and hope that her pain will subside very quickly, and that you can provide the on-going support and open communication she needs at this time.

And as you sit there fighting to hold back your own tears, you take some comfort in the knowledge (borne from your own painful experience) that this is, after all, only a temporary condition.

All the best,
Yana

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Am I Greatful?

How often do we hear that we should be grateful for what we have. How often do we outer the same phrase to others?

A mother gets up every morning just to rush to feed the kids, pack their lunch, walk the dog, get to work and be productive. While stressing over projects, dead lines and meetings, a mother needs to arrange a play date, schedule a doctors appointment, and look to find out that the next due date to apply for school, for the next semester of college is still with in her reach.

We run home to make dinner and check on our younger kids’ homework while we listen to our teenagers complain about life not being fair. From the corner of one eye a pile of bills catches your attention, and you make a mental note that they can no longer wait. Housework that we so much hope will be done by others in our immediate household is left undone…and finally last but not least our significant other is just waiting for his turn to be attended to. We pick up a ringing phone and listen to our parents talk about their health issues, and then switch to the second line just to hear about how our best friend has had it with her husband’s middle age crisis, and she is ready to walk…Where and how she hasn’t figured it out, but she just needed to vent and to share that little piece of information with you, and some where down the path of that conversation you think you just picked up on the thought that crossed her mind…”I can always take my two little munchkins and move to my friends house, at least until all the chaos is resolved.” By the time you’re done with everyone’s drama, you look and notice that you just cleaned the whole kitchen without even realizing it. You kiss the kids goodnight and flop on your couch, and precisely at that moment, you hear an inner voice… I should be grateful?…Is that what I heard someone at work say to me today?

Finally sitting on the couch-next to a pile of laundry, I automatically start folding while thinking about what should be cooked for dinner tomorrow, I decide to flip on the evening news…

From one channel to the next the evening news presents all the possible horrors one might imagine. Between the war, the earthquakes, the floods and fires, the outside world is full of tragedies, and as you switch the TV off you realize that:

While my kids may not be the angels about who I never have to worry about, they are good kids…My husband who even after a hard day at work offers his support and encouragement, even if it’s almost midnight when he is ready to show it…is a good thing. Although my parents who are complaining of their constant medical problems, are alive and with me today... The house, even if it needs work, is a place I call home, and as I crawl into bed exhausted and sleepy I feel a warm body of the man I love and think that I’m not only Grateful but very much Happy.

Fabulously40

Parenting Our Parents

Today’s blog deals with a sad topic, but one we all must deal with sooner or later -- aging parents.

It’s amazing how time flies.  As children, we’re dependent upon our parents for virtually everything in life.  The next thing you know, we’re all grown up, giving our parents advice, telling them what to do and trying to organize their lives.  The amazing thing is that they actually listen and sometimes even comply.

I was always very proud of having the youngest parents around.  My parents got married and had me when they were barely 18.   It was wonderful growing up with young parents, and I feel blessed to have them still relatively young next to my children and I.  However, most of my friends are not as fortunate.  Their parents tend to be much older, and the years take their toll.  As a result, I get to watch how they struggle to take care of their parents while balancing their own lives. 


A friend’s grandfather -- who is very wealthy -- decided to open a CD without saying a word to anyone.  He transferred all his money into a high-yield CD with ridiculous penalties for early withdrawal.  When the grandmother came upon a paper with a maturity date of 2034, she immediately contacted her son-in-law.  After a few calls to the bank, he confirmed that grandpa had indeed locked away all his money for the next 28 years. 

The question is – why did he do it?  His daughter is in her ‘60s and his only grandson is in his ‘40s. Clearly they could use the money when grandpa finally passes away.  The answer had to do with the misguided intentions of grandpa.  At 92, he knows he will not live forever, but he believes his children will.  So it seemed like a good long-term decision to put the money away until they “really need it.”

Please talk to your parents and get their finances straight while they are alive.  If necessary, bring in a CPA or financial planner to help with the process.  Above all, make sure they have a power of attorney in place for their finances and for their medical wishes.  Making these kinds of decisions before they are forced upon you will save all kinds of heartache and legal problems when you least need them.

Through it all, the hardest part is learning to care for those who cared for us as children.  Even when we grow up and have children of our own, we still consider ourselves children while our parents are alive.  It is only after they have left us that we become real adults and assume the mantle of “elder generation.”

For the past year, a very dear friend of mine has been struggling to take care of her sick father.  Even with the help of three sisters it has been no easy task.  Recently she asked me a poignant question for which I had no answer: How come one parent can take care of four kids, but four kids are unable to take care of one parent?

I’ll be thinking about that one for a long time to come.

All the best,
Yana

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The Perils of Teenage Drinking

My husband and I had a very disturbing weekend.

It centered around an issue that far too many parents either don’t take seriously enough or bury their heads in the sand and avoid altogether.

I’m talking about teenage drinking.

Fortunately, the weekend turmoil resulted not from my own kids’ drinking but from the ignorance and denial exhibited by other parents. But before I climb up on my soapbox, let’s take a look at some frightening statistics.

Currently, alcohol use among young people under 21 is the leading drug problem in the U.S. According to the Center on Alcohol Marketing and Youth at Georgetown University:

* More youths in the U.S. drink alcohol than smoke tobacco or marijuana, making it the drug most used by young Americans.

* Every day, 5,400 young people under 16 take their first drink of alcohol.

* In 2005, one out of six eighth-graders, one in three tenth-graders, and nearly one out of two twelfth-graders were current drinkers.

* In 2004, more than 7 million youths ages 12 to 20 reported binge drinking, which is defined as “having five or more drinks on at least one occasion in the past 30 days.”

In addition, recent surveys have also found that:

* Girls are binge drinking more, while boys are binging less or increasing their binging at a slower rate than their female peers.

* Twelfth-grade female drinkers and binge drinkers are now more likely to drink distilled spirits than beer.

* The new "Alco pops" are particularly attractive to girls, and are most popular with the youngest drinkers.

The consequences of underage drinking are heartbreaking:

* Every day, three teens die from drinking and driving.

* At least six more youths under 21 die each day in non-driving alcohol-related cases, such as homicide, suicide and drowning.

* More than 70,000 college students are victims of alcohol-related sexual assault or date rape each year.

*Recent studies have found that heavy exposure to alcohol may interfere with adolescent brain development, causing loss of memory and other skills.

For a complete report of this Executive Summary, please see http://camy.org/research/status0306/

A Parent In Denial

These are sobering statistics, ones that every parent should take note of. So why is it that most of the parents I talk seem to be in complete denial?

This weekend, my husband and I were awakened at 1:20 a.m. by a parent who called to tell us that our son had been drinking and was running around drunk. When I asked what made him think our son was drunk, he claimed that our son and several others had been in his house drinking (unsupervised), and took off when he and his wife came home.

Not surprisingly, this parent sounded quite upset. Because the drinking took place in his home, he was worried about what would happen if any of the boys in question got in trouble or, worse, got killed in a car crash.

I asked him to calm down, and explained that my son was already home. Although he did have one beer while at his friend’s house, he wasn’t drunk and he wasn’t driving. Moreover, all the other boys involved were at home and safe in bed.

At that point, the parent flew into a rage, saying he couldn’t believe that I knew my son drinks and questioning my fitness as a parent. When I asked if he knew that his own son drinks, he insisted that I didn’t know what I was talking about and ordered my son to stay out of his house.

The sad part is, his response did not shock or even surprise me very much. In fact, I have had this conversation (or ones very much like it) with parents on a regular basis. For some reason, parents don’t want to acknowledge that their kids drink, smoke, or try drugs. Of course, other kids do these kinds of things, but never their own.

This Is Your Wakeup Call!

I happen to know that this particular parent’s son has a serious drinking problem. Not only does he drink too often and too much (often during school), he also drives when he drinks. Yet, his parents refuse to acknowledge that he drinks at all, much less has a drinking problem.

Obviously, not every teenager has a drinking problem. But the harsh reality is this -- like it or not, your kids will try cigarettes, alcohol and at least one recreational drug. Their behavior afterwards, and the choices they continue to make regarding alcohol and drugs, will depend to a large extent on your reaction to those experiments.

Instead of getting bent out of shape and claiming that it can’t or won’t happen in your house, please talk to your kids and listen without judgment. Allow your teenage children to confide in you, so that you can be there for them and guide them when they get into questionable situations.

My kids know-because I have told them again and again -- that while I don’t support their drinking, I will be there for them (and all of their friends) if they should become inebriated. No matter what time of day or night, I will pick them up and drive everyone home if they don’t have a sober driver.

Even at fabulously forty we can still make bad choices, and we sometimes pay a hefty price when we do. So it’s natural to want to prevent our kids from doing the same.
But it’s far more important that our kids know that we love them and will be there for them when they do make a mistake.

Our children are a reflection on us, and we want them to be perfect. But as we all know, we don’t live in a perfect world. The way I see it, we have two choices. We can choose to have kids that are not so perfect but are alive and well, or we can choose to be ignorant of their faults and risk losing them.

Personally, I choose the first option. For your sake and that of your teenagers, I hope you do the same.

Until next time,
All the best,
Yana



Join us as at Fabulously40 as we embark on our journey to the BEST part of our lives.

My Very First Blog

Let me begin by saying that all blogs are not created equal. Since they burst onto the Internet scene a few short years ago, blogs have been misunderstood, over-simplified and taken completely out of context.

Being some what confused as to the definition of a blog myself, I decided to conduct an informal survey to find out how many of my Fabulously Forty Sorority sisters could define the true meaning and purpose of a blog. After contacting several dozen of you, I learned that many didn’t know what a blog was, and of those who did, most misunderstood its purpose. Going a bit further in my research, I contacted an expert blog writer, who gave me the following description:

“Blog” is shorthand for “weblog.” Simply put, a blog is a frequent, chronological publication of personal thoughts and Web links. Blogs can be strictly business, intensely personal and everything in-between. Their primary purpose is to provide a forum for individuals to express their thoughts, feelings, opinions, ideas and information on a particular subject on an ongoing basis.

My First Opinion

Now that we know what blogs are, and what a great source of information exchange this could be for the Fabulously Forty crowd, I am committing to writing a blog at least a few times each month.

So here’s my first opinion. Blogs offer a wonderful tool for reaching out to others and sharing ideas and information. At the same time, they present a real danger to the naïve and the uniformed.

For those of you who have children, please sit down and explain to your kids that all blogs are public information. When children post information about themselves on MySpace.com, or any other websites that offers them to post their blog, anything they post can be viewed not only by their peers, but also by their schoolteachers, college professors and future employers. In fact, many employers are already beginning to search MySpace.com and other websites as a regular part of their pre-employment screening process.

Our innocent and trusting children need to understand that everything we do in life has consequences. If they post a message with inappropriate content, they will pay the price. Granted, some may get away with it and never be reprimanded. Others, however, will not be so lucky. All it takes is one adult in a position of authority to ruin the chance of getting that internship your child wanted or that job they applied for after finishing grad school.

In this new era of technology, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to keep our privacy under control. Don’t let your children compound the situation by making mistakes that will come back to haunt them when they become adults.

Your Thoughts?

The best part about blogs is the opportunity for the blogger and her audience to interact with each other. I welcome your feedback and would love to hear any reaction you have to this blog.

In the meantime, my next blog will give you a glimpse of the Fab40 Miami Weekend Getaway that I recently came from.

All the best,
Yana