On Dating A Younger Men

If you were my close friend, you would know that I’m not exactly flexible. In fact, I tend to be very opinionated, judgmental and sarcastic. (Having put this down on paper, I suddenly find myself wondering how I’m so fortunate to have so many friends.)

Recently, one of my dear girlfriends met a man that she really likes. However, she wasn’t sure how our immediate group of friends would react to the fact that her beau is 10 years her junior. Fortunately, she confided in me before getting all stressed out about the relationship. My reaction to her situation surprised even me.

At age 20, I would have been shocked. At 30, I might have felt a bit apprehensive. But at 41, I think it’s phenomenal!

In the previous century (also known as the dating Dark Ages), a 10-year difference would have constituted a serious hurdle for those in the relationship. It would also have stirred up plenty of disapproval from those outside it. But come on, people, this is the 21st century! Why should a 10-year age gap be a big deal?

I think it’s wonderful when a man is attracted to a woman for all the right reasons. If a 30-year old successful, educated male is interested in a 40-year old woman who is beautiful, versatile, funny, sharp and successful, what’s wrong with that?

Why is it that all of us have to live by the rules? Why do we need to explain our actions or defend ourselves when we are in love or in lust? Why do we have to be just like everyone else? Why do we have to constantly conform to what society expects of us?

h3. The beauty of being fabulously forty is that we don’t!

Who cares what our neighbors think? Or what our ex-mother in law gossips about? And the women at the gym need something to salivate about, don’t they? You’re both adults, and as long as the relationship is based on love, respect and trust, it doesn’t matter how big the age gap might be.

The truth is, this is your life, and it’s your responsibility to live it and enjoy the heck out of it. So the next time you start to get stressed out about a situation that doesn’t fall into the typical “norm,” forget about analyzing it and trying to accommodate everyone around you. Instead, do what feels right for you and “go for the gusto!”


After all, if you don’t make yourself happy, who will?

Join us at Fabulously40 as we embark on our journey to the BEST part of our lives.

When A Man Can’t Commit

Are you dating a man who won’t come right out and say “no,” but never quite gets around to saying “yes”?

My grandma convinced me at a very early age that if a man isn’t married by age 30, you should write him off because “it ain’t gonna happen.”  Granted, times have changed, but the concept of commitment has not. 

Today, more and more people tend to marry older, often because both women and men strive to finish their education and become financially independent prior to making a commitment.  Nevertheless, the issue of commitment remains a thorny one for many couples.

Let’s fast-forward a decade and see where we stand.  Suppose that you, as a fabulously forty sorority sister, are dating someone your age or older who has never been married.  I won’t be the one to say a 40-year old single male will never stand before the altar.  But let’s get real here.  Anyone that old who refuses to commit has real issues.

At the same time, I would never advise anyone not to date a man that age who has never been married.  But you need to see him for who he really is.  He might be the nicest, brightest guy on the planet, but you have to be smart and observant.  Don’t fall into the trap of making excuses on his behalf when you speak to your friends.  And don’t try to change the subject when they ask why his other relationships didn’t work out.  Your friends have your best interests at heart.  Listen carefully to his stories and don’t be biased.  Remember, every story has two sides to it. 

Finally, give yourself a timeline and stick to it.  If he refuses to commit, you’re better off walking away from the relationship.  Not because your biological clock is ticking, and not because you can’t be without a man.  Quite simply, your time and your life are too valuable to waste.

As a fabulously forty & beyond you are unique and you deserve the best.  If he can’t give that to you, it’s time to take a detour.  Say sayonara, move on….and never look back!

All the best,
Yana




Join us as at Fabulously40 as we embark on our journey to the BEST part of our lives.

Am I Greatful?

How often do we hear that we should be grateful for what we have. How often do we outer the same phrase to others?

A mother gets up every morning just to rush to feed the kids, pack their lunch, walk the dog, get to work and be productive. While stressing over projects, dead lines and meetings, a mother needs to arrange a play date, schedule a doctors appointment, and look to find out that the next due date to apply for school, for the next semester of college is still with in her reach.

We run home to make dinner and check on our younger kids’ homework while we listen to our teenagers complain about life not being fair. From the corner of one eye a pile of bills catches your attention, and you make a mental note that they can no longer wait. Housework that we so much hope will be done by others in our immediate household is left undone…and finally last but not least our significant other is just waiting for his turn to be attended to. We pick up a ringing phone and listen to our parents talk about their health issues, and then switch to the second line just to hear about how our best friend has had it with her husband’s middle age crisis, and she is ready to walk…Where and how she hasn’t figured it out, but she just needed to vent and to share that little piece of information with you, and some where down the path of that conversation you think you just picked up on the thought that crossed her mind…”I can always take my two little munchkins and move to my friends house, at least until all the chaos is resolved.” By the time you’re done with everyone’s drama, you look and notice that you just cleaned the whole kitchen without even realizing it. You kiss the kids goodnight and flop on your couch, and precisely at that moment, you hear an inner voice… I should be grateful?…Is that what I heard someone at work say to me today?

Finally sitting on the couch-next to a pile of laundry, I automatically start folding while thinking about what should be cooked for dinner tomorrow, I decide to flip on the evening news…

From one channel to the next the evening news presents all the possible horrors one might imagine. Between the war, the earthquakes, the floods and fires, the outside world is full of tragedies, and as you switch the TV off you realize that:

While my kids may not be the angels about who I never have to worry about, they are good kids…My husband who even after a hard day at work offers his support and encouragement, even if it’s almost midnight when he is ready to show it…is a good thing. Although my parents who are complaining of their constant medical problems, are alive and with me today... The house, even if it needs work, is a place I call home, and as I crawl into bed exhausted and sleepy I feel a warm body of the man I love and think that I’m not only Grateful but very much Happy.

Fabulously40

Parenting Our Parents

Today’s blog deals with a sad topic, but one we all must deal with sooner or later -- aging parents.

It’s amazing how time flies.  As children, we’re dependent upon our parents for virtually everything in life.  The next thing you know, we’re all grown up, giving our parents advice, telling them what to do and trying to organize their lives.  The amazing thing is that they actually listen and sometimes even comply.

I was always very proud of having the youngest parents around.  My parents got married and had me when they were barely 18.   It was wonderful growing up with young parents, and I feel blessed to have them still relatively young next to my children and I.  However, most of my friends are not as fortunate.  Their parents tend to be much older, and the years take their toll.  As a result, I get to watch how they struggle to take care of their parents while balancing their own lives. 


A friend’s grandfather -- who is very wealthy -- decided to open a CD without saying a word to anyone.  He transferred all his money into a high-yield CD with ridiculous penalties for early withdrawal.  When the grandmother came upon a paper with a maturity date of 2034, she immediately contacted her son-in-law.  After a few calls to the bank, he confirmed that grandpa had indeed locked away all his money for the next 28 years. 

The question is – why did he do it?  His daughter is in her ‘60s and his only grandson is in his ‘40s. Clearly they could use the money when grandpa finally passes away.  The answer had to do with the misguided intentions of grandpa.  At 92, he knows he will not live forever, but he believes his children will.  So it seemed like a good long-term decision to put the money away until they “really need it.”

Please talk to your parents and get their finances straight while they are alive.  If necessary, bring in a CPA or financial planner to help with the process.  Above all, make sure they have a power of attorney in place for their finances and for their medical wishes.  Making these kinds of decisions before they are forced upon you will save all kinds of heartache and legal problems when you least need them.

Through it all, the hardest part is learning to care for those who cared for us as children.  Even when we grow up and have children of our own, we still consider ourselves children while our parents are alive.  It is only after they have left us that we become real adults and assume the mantle of “elder generation.”

For the past year, a very dear friend of mine has been struggling to take care of her sick father.  Even with the help of three sisters it has been no easy task.  Recently she asked me a poignant question for which I had no answer: How come one parent can take care of four kids, but four kids are unable to take care of one parent?

I’ll be thinking about that one for a long time to come.

All the best,
Yana

Join us as at Fabulously40 as we embark on our journey to the BEST part of our lives.