How To Respond to Those Never-Ending Invitations

As we get older and wiser, our mailboxes fill with continued invitations to parties, gatherings, premiers, fundraisers and other events we feel obligated to attend. Some of us are willing and able to attend every event and enjoy everyone’s company, while others tend to be more reserved and selective.

If you’re a partygoer with a gregarious personality and full closet of evening outfits, each invitation represents a new opportunity for fun and excitement. However, those less receptive to constant mingling may consider an ongoing stream of invitations as an unwelcome demand on their time.

If you choose not to attend a particular event, keep in mind that you should always observe proper etiquette when declining an invitation. This will not only spare feelings, but will also make the task of planning for the occasion a lot easier on the hostess.

The only question is, how do you properly decline? Here’s where a little tact and thoughtfulness can go a long way.

If you get invited to an event and have a previous engagement, honesty is the best policy. An immediate response that you already have another engagement might disappoint the hostess. However, it will allow her to obtain an accurate head count and properly prepare for the party.

Suppose you have no idea why you were invited to an event or you dislike the hostess, but you have no other plans. In this situation, the best reply would be something like, “We’re very sorry. Unfortunately we’re busy that evening”. This excuse gives you a choice to accept another invitation that might be forthcoming from another source, and will have the hostess wondering whether or not to invite you again for the next event

If it’s a personal matter, such as not being able to attend due to financial reasons, simply state, "Regrets due to personal commitments". If the invitation was extended by a close friend, they will more than likely get the hint. If they are well mannered, they will not ask additional questions.

For special occasions that usually entail a gift (such as a wedding), you may want to consider including a small present or card when sending your regrets. This shows that you truly are sorry you can’t attend. However, if you have no idea why you were invited, a short, polite decline without a gift will be sufficient, and might not get you invited next time.

Keep in mind, that it is never too late to respond to an invitation, especially if you are declining. It is better to call the hostess and explain the reason behind your lack of promptness than not to call at all or send a response.

Mail does get lost and life does get in the way, but people generally understand those things. Not replying at all shows a lack of consideration and manners on your part, and is usually seen as a snub of the worst kind.

So don’t let an avalanche of invitations cause you unwanted stress. Reply promptly, use a little tact, and you can decline an invitation with courtesy and the right amount of social grace.

All the best,

Yana

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Gift Giving Guide

Wouldn’t it be great to have all your holiday shopping completed by the end of Thanksgiving?

Obviously it’s too late for that deadline. But if you start today, you can still get done in plenty of time and be on your way to enjoying a stress-free holiday season.

I love giving presents. In fact, I enjoy the whole process from picking a present to packaging and the actual delivery. But not everyone feels the same way. Over the years I have observed different patterns of behaviors among friends and family when it comes to gift giving for the holidays, birthdays and anniversaries.

Here are four categories of gift-givers I have noticed:

1. Settlers.

This group struggles with the idea of what to get, and usually settles for the first thing they see. Their primary focus is to just to get the “chore” of gift giving out of the way.

2. Exchangers.

These people typically spend money on useless things, with the idea that if the receiver does not like the present, he or she will exchange it for something else. Exchangers usually buy their gifts in department stores and include a gift receipt to make it easy to return the item.

3.Don’t ask, don’t tellers.

These people buy presents that are not returnable. Then they package the present so that you would never know where it was purchased and would be too embarrassed to ask. Often, the present either goes to someone else you don’t really care about or ends up in your storage (a definite no-no!).

4.Scrooges.

Some people get so fed up with the process that they say, “To hell with it!” and stop giving gifts all together.

What do all four groups have in common? They all view gift giving as an unpleasant and distasteful task. However, if you fall into one on these categories, let me assure you that gift giving need not be a difficult process if it’s thought out and planned ahead.

Get Organized!

The biggest problem for most gift givers is the dilemma of the unknown -- we don’t know what to get for our loved ones. The following tips can help you choose the right gift each and every time:

•Pay attention to the details. If you’re out shopping with a friend, notice the kinds of things she picks out for herself. This will give you some good ideas on what to get for the next present.

•Make it personal. Most of us are busy and stressed out from our daily activities. A gift certificate to the spa for a massage, pedicure or manicure is an easy and welcome gift.

•Be in tune with what’s happening to the people around you. If a friend is going through some hardships and needs a “pick me up,” an inspirational CD, DVD or book makes an excellent gift. Or, if someone has an interest in a hobby, craft or artistic endeavor but can’t seem to get started, the gift of a private lesson may be just what they need to kick their creativity into gear.

My favorite gift is a gift basket, and I don’t mean the kind with lumpy cheese and stale crackers. It’s easy to put together a custom-made basket of goodies for your loved ones. All you have to do is buy the items and take them to a specialty store, where they will assemble the basket for you. If you don’t have time to shop, you can order a basket by picking and choosing the items you like.

My favorite store is Adels II, in Encino California, where everything in the store is personalized. They have items for every age, price and category, so you can’t go wrong. Most of us feel very special when we open a box to find our name or initials engraved on the present.

Another hit item is family photos that are framed or in the form of a calendar. These inexpensive gifts can be done at Kinkos or any other print shop. You can also do them online. To make the gift really memorable, arrange a private sitting with a photographer and have your photograph printed on canvas. It will look like a painted masterpiece and will be cherished for years to come.

To get organized and remain focused:

a) Make a list of everyone that you would like to give a gift to.

b) Set a budget. Whether it costs $5 or $500, each gift has to be just as special (believe me, it can be).

c) Set a date by when this gift has to be purchased.

d) Visualize how it will be packaged and sent or delivered.

e) Place a checkmark by each person’s name when their gift has been purchased. Place a second checkmark when the gift has been wrapped.

f) Review your list to see whether you have to deliver or send each gift. Not until the gift is sent or delivered can you cross the name off the list.

Finally, think how you would feel about receiving the gift. A beautifully packaged $5 Starbucks gift card with a warm greeting card will be more appreciated than a useless gift that never gets used.

When you put thought, time and love into your gift giving process, the person receiving the gift feels special and appreciated. After all, isn’t that why we give gifts in the first place?

Cheers,
Yana


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