How To Respond to Those Never-Ending Invitations

As we get older and wiser, our mailboxes fill with continued invitations to parties, gatherings, premiers, fundraisers and other events we feel obligated to attend. Some of us are willing and able to attend every event and enjoy everyone’s company, while others tend to be more reserved and selective.

If you’re a partygoer with a gregarious personality and full closet of evening outfits, each invitation represents a new opportunity for fun and excitement. However, those less receptive to constant mingling may consider an ongoing stream of invitations as an unwelcome demand on their time.

If you choose not to attend a particular event, keep in mind that you should always observe proper etiquette when declining an invitation. This will not only spare feelings, but will also make the task of planning for the occasion a lot easier on the hostess.

The only question is, how do you properly decline? Here’s where a little tact and thoughtfulness can go a long way.

If you get invited to an event and have a previous engagement, honesty is the best policy. An immediate response that you already have another engagement might disappoint the hostess. However, it will allow her to obtain an accurate head count and properly prepare for the party.

Suppose you have no idea why you were invited to an event or you dislike the hostess, but you have no other plans. In this situation, the best reply would be something like, “We’re very sorry. Unfortunately we’re busy that evening”. This excuse gives you a choice to accept another invitation that might be forthcoming from another source, and will have the hostess wondering whether or not to invite you again for the next event

If it’s a personal matter, such as not being able to attend due to financial reasons, simply state, "Regrets due to personal commitments". If the invitation was extended by a close friend, they will more than likely get the hint. If they are well mannered, they will not ask additional questions.

For special occasions that usually entail a gift (such as a wedding), you may want to consider including a small present or card when sending your regrets. This shows that you truly are sorry you can’t attend. However, if you have no idea why you were invited, a short, polite decline without a gift will be sufficient, and might not get you invited next time.

Keep in mind, that it is never too late to respond to an invitation, especially if you are declining. It is better to call the hostess and explain the reason behind your lack of promptness than not to call at all or send a response.

Mail does get lost and life does get in the way, but people generally understand those things. Not replying at all shows a lack of consideration and manners on your part, and is usually seen as a snub of the worst kind.

So don’t let an avalanche of invitations cause you unwanted stress. Reply promptly, use a little tact, and you can decline an invitation with courtesy and the right amount of social grace.

All the best,

Yana

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Letter To Santa

On a day that was supposed to be relaxing and mellow, my husband announced that the time had come for us to clean out the garage. Seeing the look of horror on my face, he quickly rephrased his statement. Acknowledging how much I do during the week, he suggested that I sit and do nothing while he attended to the chore.

Doing nothing is not something I know how to do, nevertheless it sounded much more appealing than cleaning the garage. To avoid feeling guilty, I went upstairs and attempted to do nothing

A few hours later, my husband came in to our bedroom with a smile on his face and a stack of papers in his hand. “Letters to Santa,” he announced. He dropped them on the bed and headed back to the garage.

As I began reading the letter our kids wrote many years ago, I couldn’t help but smile at how silly and gullible they were then and how grown up and mature they have become. Then I had an idea -- why not get everyone to write a letter to Santa this year? It would be fun and interesting to see how their wish lists changed as they have grown up.

At dinner, I announced my idea and was pleasantly surprised when my “gang” didn’t think that I had lost a marble or two. Afterwards, everyone disappeared into their rooms to compose their letters. Surprisingly, it took them much longer this time around.

As I read their “grown up” letters, it quickly became evident that their priorities have changed but their values haven’t. I found that toys were replaced with “boys” or “girls.” Getting good grades was replaced with getting a good solid degree. Health and happiness was a priority for all, and peace on earth was an important concern. It warmed my heart to see that my husband and I did something right, that we raised kids with good values and gold hearts.

My husband and I had similar requests of Santa. But I, of course, had many more. First on my list was immunity from acquiring any more pounds as I get older (enough is enough!). I want that awesome body I never had, the legs that turn heads, and the flawless skin without wrinkles. I want my 20/20 vision to stick around just a bit longer and menopause to pass me by unnoticed. I want to be constantly, obliviously happy. And did I mention I want to be skinny?

These were fun things to ask for, but if you were to read my entire list you would see that the truly important items came towards the end. I want our world to be at peace. I asked for my family to be happy and healthy. I asked for our parents and grandparents to be around us for many years to come. I asked to be able to enjoy my children and their children, and I wanted to continue to be in love with my husband as much as the day I married him.

After this fun exercise, we all sat down to talk about what we wanted and how we are going to get it. Regardless of what we asked for, we all agreed on one thing -- whether you believe in Santa or not is irrelevant. The key is to believe in yourself, then write down your list and go after it. When you believe in yourself, the sky is the limit!

Happy Holidays to you and yours,

Yana


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Fabulously40 Weekend Getaway

A Hectic Departure

The eve of my second official Fab40 All Girls Weekend Getaway had finally arrived, and I found myself excited and anxious at the same time.

Last year's event was a great hit, however, I knew everyone on that trip. This year would bring together several total strangers. I wondered...how will people I’ve never met fit into our Fabulously Forty Group?

Waking up an hour later than planned (for the first time in my life!) sent my husband and I into a frenzy. While I desperately tried to squeeze my “shapely” thighs into just-out-of-the-wash jeans, my husband dashed around the house gathering my things. I arrived at the airport at the last minute and had to charm my way into my plane, which was just about to shove off and taxi down the runway.

Greatly relieved at making the plane, I dropped myself into a seat and slowly exhaled. After a moment to unwind, I pulled out the agenda for the weekend and began reviewing the jam-packed roster of fun and relaxing activities. This time around I hoped to get my Fab40 group interested in setting up their own chapters, book clubs, gourmet clubs, knitting sessions, etc., and give them suggestions on how to do so in away that had all their Fab40 members screaming for more.

As my plane landed in Miami, I felt like a little girl going on her first big trip to the amusement park. Inside the terminal, I met with my group and was introduced to the sorority sisters that I didn’t know-about half the group. With smiles and hugs all around, we set out on our journey.

Controlled Chaos

We arrived at our condo and crowded inside, where we flipped a coin for beds and began unpacking. And that’s when the fun began!

Picture the following scenario-a small, two-bedroom condo right on the beach, two very small bathrooms, and seven pre-menopausal women all trying to get ready for a night on a town at the same time. The excitement, noise and laughter kicked the evening into high gear, and we didn’t slow down for the entire weekend.

Observing this year’s Fab40 gang brought a big smile to my face. How wonderful that seven women from all walks of life could leave their husbands, boyfriends, kids (15 total), jobs, parents and responsibilities behind, and come together for a weekend of fun and socializing! All of us had the same agenda-we wanted to be happy, healthy and content-and all of us deeply valued friendship.

At the same time, the seven of us were as different as women can be. Although most of us were working girls, not everyone had a hobby. I could see that I had my work cut out for me in terms of relating how important it is to have something you can call your own. But I also knew that as we got to know each other, we would bond within each passing hour.

A Night on the Town

Eventually, we all got ready and headed out for our big night on the town.

The place was South Beach, the scene was “Night Life,” and we were dressed to kill, or so we thought. As we approached our first night club-from the front entrance, like most people do-we were instructed to go to the side of the building and find an entrance there. We were just about to comply when a half-naked, 6-foot tall blond with unbelievably long legs and a scandalously short skirt sashayed up behind us and was immediately welcomed into the front entrance. No one instructed her to use a “service entrance” to get into the club.

At first we looked at one another in total disbelief, then we burst into laughter. And that, ladies, is the greatest part about being a women over 40. Rather than taking offense at getting turned down, we felt proud that we no longer had to compete. No longer did we have to prove to anyone that we were smarter, wiser, more confident and more composed than some 6-foot anorexic creature with wildly bleached blonde hair and 6-inch high heels!

However, being Fabuously40 also meant that we didn’t have to leave, either. We stood our ground and firmly explained to the bald-headed, overweight, arrogant bouncer (who was wearing sun glasses in the middle of the night!) that there were seven very temperamental women in front of him and he was being discriminatory. Between us we had the power to have him fired and enough legal wits to file a lawsuit against his “fine” establishment. He eyed us cautiously for a minute or two, and then reluctantly agreed that maybe we could use the front door after all.

The irony is that once inside, we quickly agreed that the place wasn’t good enough for the likes of us. We made a hasty exit and headed down the street, where we found another club more to our liking went and had a blast for the rest of the evening.

Wrapping It Up

Many power walks, swim-a-thons, noisy book discussions, movie reviews and “girl talk” sessions later, the weekend finally came to an end. As we threw our belongings into our suitcases and prepared to go our separate ways, we all came to the same conclusion about how to have a great Fabulously40 weekend.

Destination and accommodations are not important. Weather is helpful, but not crucial. Shopping is great, but we could live without it. What we couldn’t do without, and what made the weekend so special, was the exchange of valuable information and nurturing support we all gave each other.

We spent hours putting on make up, experimenting with different hair products and trying on each other clothes. When was the last time we had really done that? Or, more important, when was the last time we had the time, energy or desire to do that?

Personally, I found it very soothing to feel the camaraderie with other women who have the same weight problems, teenager issues and Fab40 medical syndromes and concerns, who want the same things out of life as I do, and more. My Fabulously40 sisters were empowering, inspirational, insightful and funny. The weekend gave me a bust of energy, and I really had to pat myself on the back and say:

Fabulously40 & beyond-what a great idea!




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