How to Keep Your Self-Esteem as the Years are Marching All Over Your Face.

So you turned 40.

And before you knew it, another year flew by and you’re approaching your next birthday.

As you look in the mirror, you notice that the years are making their statement, loud and clear. The skin no longer appears like you just turned 25, and the pounds are creeping in faster then you can chew. Having this daily enlightenment in front of the mirror can trigger a big depression. However, if you look from the other perspective you can (and should) take a totally different approach.

Yes, as my friend has bluntly pointed out, the years are marching all over my face, and probably yours. My reply to that is, so what?! Haven’t we earned every wrinkle?

Every muscle that is a bit loose still holds our facial expressions extremely well. So if the skin sags a little, it’s no big deal. When we were younger, it was a painful experience removing zits and getting lectured on the evils of sugar. Now we get to enjoy relaxing facial massages and soothing cleansing masks.

Of course, sugar is still our enemy, and is now accompanied by a host of starches that don’t belong in our diets. And alcohol seems to have more of a negative impact on our brains and bodies than it used to, so we should probably leave that behind as well.

On the other hand, an army of plastic sergeants eagerly awaits the opportunity cut into our skin, inject us with rat poison, and lipo fat from places we didn’t even know existed. And for the privilege of looking a few years younger, we get to pay for their services like a mortgage amortized over 30 years. Is that a deal or what!

For the disciplined, there are health clubs within walking distance of each other, preaching nutrition, exercise, aerobics and weight lifting. There are hordes of personal trainers standing by, who are more than willing (for a fee) to listen to us bitch and moan the whole hour on the exercise bike or treadmill.

And there are creams, made with exotic ingredients, for every possible situation. There are special inventions to lift your eyes, neck, breast and anything else you might think of. There are even bathing suits guaranteed to make you look 10 pounds lighter.

Today’s fashions allow us to wear just about anything, but let’s not get carried away and make fools of ourselves. It is not okay for a 40+ woman to wear a short miniskirt and think she looks “hot.” Remember—everything in moderation (and I don’t care how good your legs look!).

Fabulously40 women today are at their best. Many of us tackle new careers, run marathons and date men 15 years younger. Heck, some of us are even having kids for the first time. Regardless of the circumstances, this is our time to realize that lines on our face do not make us older, they make us stronger!

No longer do we have to buy into preconceived notions about getting older. We can be verbal about our true feelings, we can conquer any challenge, and we know that if we lasted this long, we can do just about anything. We don’t have to work harder, just smarter.

We do, however, need to remind ourselves that after 40 it’s all about us. This is our time to be “high maintenance.” As long as we allow ourselves to be just a bit more self-centered, as long as we stay focused on being positive, and as long as we try to love ourselves more than anyone else does, self-esteem will not be an issue, no matter how many wrinkles keep showing up in the mirror.

Cheers, Yana

Gravity can take it’s toll as long as we have ways to lift us up will be okay

The Dating Game

Dating is never easy.

Whether you’re 15, 20, 30 or Fabulously40 plus, dating always seems like a task better left to someone else. And the older you get the harder it gets. After all, at 15 we are naïve, at 20 we are gullible, at 30 we are determined to find “Mr. Right,” and by 40 we become the biggest skeptics.

On the other hand, how are we supposed to find Mr. Right if we don’t submit ourselves to the dating pool?

Trying to find that one special man through friends and family almost never works, and blind dates get old and annoying very quickly. You know what I’m talking about. Your well-intentioned friends set you up with that “nice guy” that they swear will fill your life with love and abundance. Then you find yourself sitting across the dinner table from some insufferably self-centered slob, frantically searching your mind for a plausible excuse you can utter so he will shut up and take you home.

The only thing worse is having your mother (because she hears your biological clock ticking) arrange for you to meet a friend’s son. The description starts out, “He is a very nice guy and he is tall…” and goes downhill from there. As the warning bells go off inside your head and the color drains from you face, you realize the time has come to take destiny into your own hands.

So you take a deep breath, sit down at the keyboard, and type a URL that resembles something like www.findingmrrighttonight…...com. You think of a user name and password, open your online dating account, and the adventure begins.

On A Mission

To your surprise and amazement, you awake next morning to find your email inbox overflowing with responses.

Your heart sinks as you open the first email and look at the picture of a bold, very unattractive guy who is “intrigued with your profile and wants to get to know you.” Nevertheless, you note that you have at least 30 more emails to read and plunge ahead, certain that there must be at least one prince among all the frogs.

As you open one email after another, you sift through attractive, successful, ugly, funny, boring males who have exposed themselves for your review. You feel somewhat empowered and confident that “things are looking up.” As you get to the last email, you realize there are several options you can consider replying to, and maybe one or two that actually look interesting.

All of a sudden you find your whole life revolving around this exciting new game of online dating. The next thing you know, you’re browsing your “matches” morning, noon and night, and are even skipping lunch to catch up on your latest online hopefuls. Your boss mentions several times that your work has slowed down. Your mother complains that you never call her. You ditch your friends for drinks during Happy hour day after day.

You now have a mission, and no one will stop you!

Mission Accomplished

So, does online dating actually work? A Fabulously40 sister recently shared with me the following story:

This sister hated the idea of dating online. But, when years passed and she didn’t meet anyone through family and friends, she eventually succumbed. After dating online for several months with mixed results (hopeful one day, disappointed the next), she received an email that said, “I found your profile to be special and unique. I’m recently widowed and fairly new to the dating game. I don’t feel comfortable posting my picture but would very much like to meet.”

She didn’t agree to meet right away, partly out of caution and partly because he lived back east. Instead, she suggested they get to know each other through emails and see where their cyber relationship led. After a while, she began to feel that he was sincere and suggested they meet face-to-face. Delighted, he offered to fly to California to meet her.

Three months to the date of his first email, our sister arrived at the restaurant for the appointed rendezvous. Wearing a red dress and red lipstick, she nervously followed the hostess to the table, where a man was already seated. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion.

As the hostess stepped aside, our sister found herself looking into the familiar eyes of a man she once knew. His face was older and more lined, and he seemed a bit shorter and huskier, but the eyes remained the same. Incredibly, here in front of her, with a huge smile on his face, sat the first boy she ever held hands with, the first boy she had ever kissed.

They sat for 10 minutes without saying a word. He then reached into his pocket, pulled out a ring, got down on one knee, and proposed to her on the spot. They have been inseparable ever since.

Obviously, most online dating ventures don’t produce such fairytale endings. But you never know what can happen until you give it a try. So, if you’re facing another weekend alone, get off that couch, go turn on your computer and give it a shot. Who knows who could be waiting for you behind that computer screen?



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How To Respond to Those Never-Ending Invitations

As we get older and wiser, our mailboxes fill with continued invitations to parties, gatherings, premiers, fundraisers and other events we feel obligated to attend. Some of us are willing and able to attend every event and enjoy everyone’s company, while others tend to be more reserved and selective.

If you’re a partygoer with a gregarious personality and full closet of evening outfits, each invitation represents a new opportunity for fun and excitement. However, those less receptive to constant mingling may consider an ongoing stream of invitations as an unwelcome demand on their time.

If you choose not to attend a particular event, keep in mind that you should always observe proper etiquette when declining an invitation. This will not only spare feelings, but will also make the task of planning for the occasion a lot easier on the hostess.

The only question is, how do you properly decline? Here’s where a little tact and thoughtfulness can go a long way.

If you get invited to an event and have a previous engagement, honesty is the best policy. An immediate response that you already have another engagement might disappoint the hostess. However, it will allow her to obtain an accurate head count and properly prepare for the party.

Suppose you have no idea why you were invited to an event or you dislike the hostess, but you have no other plans. In this situation, the best reply would be something like, “We’re very sorry. Unfortunately we’re busy that evening”. This excuse gives you a choice to accept another invitation that might be forthcoming from another source, and will have the hostess wondering whether or not to invite you again for the next event

If it’s a personal matter, such as not being able to attend due to financial reasons, simply state, "Regrets due to personal commitments". If the invitation was extended by a close friend, they will more than likely get the hint. If they are well mannered, they will not ask additional questions.

For special occasions that usually entail a gift (such as a wedding), you may want to consider including a small present or card when sending your regrets. This shows that you truly are sorry you can’t attend. However, if you have no idea why you were invited, a short, polite decline without a gift will be sufficient, and might not get you invited next time.

Keep in mind, that it is never too late to respond to an invitation, especially if you are declining. It is better to call the hostess and explain the reason behind your lack of promptness than not to call at all or send a response.

Mail does get lost and life does get in the way, but people generally understand those things. Not replying at all shows a lack of consideration and manners on your part, and is usually seen as a snub of the worst kind.

So don’t let an avalanche of invitations cause you unwanted stress. Reply promptly, use a little tact, and you can decline an invitation with courtesy and the right amount of social grace.

All the best,

Yana

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Health Kick

A healthy lifestyle is essential once we reach Fabulously40, a lesson that many of us seem to be slow in learning.

In our 20’s and 30’s, we could get away with bad food and lifestyle choices. If we didn’t get eight hours of sleep at night, it wasn’t evident (at least not right away). If we ate or drank too much for a whole week, perhaps we added a pound or two, but not much more. And when decided to go on a diet, the pounds seemed to melt away.

So I ask you, what the heck happened?

At 40+, it seems that anything we do that is not appropriate to our age category takes an immediate toll. I’ve always had a weight issue - I would eat, gain weight, diet, lose weight, and then repeat the cycle - only now it seems worse than ever. I don’t think there’s a diet I haven’t heard of, tried or attempted.

Ironically, I’ve found that they all work as long as you count your calories. Take in fewer calories than you burn each day and you will loose weight. The challenge, of course, is keeping the weight off. Had I found the answer to that age-old problem I would have been the most celebrated woman on the planet.

Let’s face it ladies, we live in a society that preaches that size 0 models are the most beautiful creatures on earth. We hear it, we live it, and worst of all, we teach it to our children. I remember preaching to my daughters to stop eating too much so they will not have my thighs, arms, or derriere.

Find What Works for You

I have finally accepted the fact that as we age, we need to take care of our bodies in a more attentive way. Like it or not, every extra piece of bread we put in our mouths will end on our thighs, arms or somewhere in between. However, that doesn’t make it any easier to say no to that freshly buttered croissant and dive into a plate of raw carrots and broccoli instead.

Recently, I came to the conclusion that although there are many ways to eat healthier and take better care of ourselves, the secret is finding out what works best for each individual. After trying countless diets and eating plans, I have discovered that Weight Watchers works best for me. All I need to do is to make it a daily routine. For me, that means going to their meetings, having a workout buddy, and being held accountable for everything that goes into my mouth.

What prompted this sudden revelation?

Every year I gain 10 pounds during the holiday season, and every year I have to deal with the extra weight after the holidays. This year, however, I managed to gain 10 pounds before the holidays even began, and it was downhill from there. Given that the pounds no longer come off as easily as they used to, the time had come to figure out what I need to do in order to stay healthy and vibrant for myself and my loved ones.

Not long ago I scolded my dad to stop smoking and start taking care of himself. When he didn’t immediately oblige, I called him selfish. I laid on the “Jewish guilt” hard and thick because, after all, if he gets sick we children have to take care of him. If he chooses to get sick by being careless, that’s selfish and unfair.

So -- I am publicly announcing that from today forward I will be very conscious of what I eat and how much I exercise. If I don’t take care of myself now, my kids will have to take care of me, which I do not find appealing. I want to be a “cool” grandma, not an old and sick one. For this to happen, I need to have a plan and stick to it.

If you’re a regular reader of my blog, you’re probably cringing just about now. Another plan??? Just how many plans, programs and guidelines do we need to adhere to? I say as many as possible, as long as the outcome is a positive one.

I call all of you to join me as I embark on the “health kick” at this special stage in my life. I will definitely need your support getting there.

Yours in good health,

Yana

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Letter To Santa

On a day that was supposed to be relaxing and mellow, my husband announced that the time had come for us to clean out the garage. Seeing the look of horror on my face, he quickly rephrased his statement. Acknowledging how much I do during the week, he suggested that I sit and do nothing while he attended to the chore.

Doing nothing is not something I know how to do, nevertheless it sounded much more appealing than cleaning the garage. To avoid feeling guilty, I went upstairs and attempted to do nothing

A few hours later, my husband came in to our bedroom with a smile on his face and a stack of papers in his hand. “Letters to Santa,” he announced. He dropped them on the bed and headed back to the garage.

As I began reading the letter our kids wrote many years ago, I couldn’t help but smile at how silly and gullible they were then and how grown up and mature they have become. Then I had an idea -- why not get everyone to write a letter to Santa this year? It would be fun and interesting to see how their wish lists changed as they have grown up.

At dinner, I announced my idea and was pleasantly surprised when my “gang” didn’t think that I had lost a marble or two. Afterwards, everyone disappeared into their rooms to compose their letters. Surprisingly, it took them much longer this time around.

As I read their “grown up” letters, it quickly became evident that their priorities have changed but their values haven’t. I found that toys were replaced with “boys” or “girls.” Getting good grades was replaced with getting a good solid degree. Health and happiness was a priority for all, and peace on earth was an important concern. It warmed my heart to see that my husband and I did something right, that we raised kids with good values and gold hearts.

My husband and I had similar requests of Santa. But I, of course, had many more. First on my list was immunity from acquiring any more pounds as I get older (enough is enough!). I want that awesome body I never had, the legs that turn heads, and the flawless skin without wrinkles. I want my 20/20 vision to stick around just a bit longer and menopause to pass me by unnoticed. I want to be constantly, obliviously happy. And did I mention I want to be skinny?

These were fun things to ask for, but if you were to read my entire list you would see that the truly important items came towards the end. I want our world to be at peace. I asked for my family to be happy and healthy. I asked for our parents and grandparents to be around us for many years to come. I asked to be able to enjoy my children and their children, and I wanted to continue to be in love with my husband as much as the day I married him.

After this fun exercise, we all sat down to talk about what we wanted and how we are going to get it. Regardless of what we asked for, we all agreed on one thing -- whether you believe in Santa or not is irrelevant. The key is to believe in yourself, then write down your list and go after it. When you believe in yourself, the sky is the limit!

Happy Holidays to you and yours,

Yana


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Staying focused on What’s Really Important

At one time or another, we all have doubts, questions and concerns about our personal productivity. Most of us are overwhelmed by the responsibilities that we face daily. There are always errands to run, bills to pay, dinners to cook, lunches to make, children to worry about, and husbands or partners to attend to.

Ever since that milestone 40th birthday, it seems that time has been moving faster and faster. In order to slow down time, or at least increase my productivity, I decided to sit down and outline what is really important to me at the moment and what I should focus on.





By now, most of us know what we really want out of life. Yet, for some reason most of us don’t do much about it. As we get older, our priorities change, and I have found that taking the time to write down what’s most important can help to see the bigger picture -- and usually a clearer one, too.

A few months ago, I watched a very powerful movie called “The Secret.” What is this secret and why didn’t I hear about it 20 years ago? It has to do with the “Law Of Attraction,” meaning that we attract what we think about. Thoughts become things, and every thought has a frequency. As a result, we consciously or unconsciously attract the energy around us.

Remember the old saying, “Be careful what you wish for?” Until I watched this wonderful movie, I couldn’t comprehend its true meaning. Now I completely understand that what we want and what we believe in is what we will become.

To begin our journey to live the life we want, we need to alter a few things in our daily behavior:

First and foremost, we need to write down our goals. Goals should be divided in two columns -- immediate and future. Everyone should have goals in both categories.

Second, we need to prioritize. Prioritizing allows us to move forward and achieve success.

It’s all in the attitude. I barely stand 5’4”, and that’s on a good day. Yet, most people will tell you that I’m 5’6” or taller. Why? Because I come with the right attitude. If you’re positive, upbeat and happy, people will cling to you like bees on honey. Conversely, if you’re constantly down and miserable, no one will join your party.

Stay focused and track your progress. Set out your plan and follow it, but be realistic. If something doesn’t work, alter your plan and work through it.

Eliminate “failure” from your vocabulary. If something doesn’t work right away, view it as a stepping-stone to success rather than a permanent setback. Life has many lessons for us, and only when all of them are learned do we achieve what we set out to do. If it was easy, we wouldn’t appreciate our success.

Remove everything that interferes with your success. In other words, don’t give in to temptation or allow yourself to be distracted. If you can see it and feel it, you will own it.

Use the power of positive reinforcement. Five years ago, I would have laughed at this statement. Today I consider ongoing positive reinforcement (through self-help books, CD’s, DVD’s, tapes and positive surroundings) as the ticket to life-changing experiences.

Before going to sleep every night, think of all the wonderful things that happened to you during the day. Tell yourself that tomorrow will be a very good day.

Before getting out of bed in the morning, think of all the good things that will happen to you today.

Finally, remember that the first 30 minutes after waking should be very positive because they set the tone for the whole day. Think of how good your day will be if you sit down and write a few things that you would like to accomplish on that day. I usually write seven things that I want to achieve during the day, and when I lay down to sleep I usually smile to myself knowing that everything on that morning’s list got done. My day was a complete success -- and tomorrow looks even better!


Cheers,
Yana

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Gift Giving Guide

Wouldn’t it be great to have all your holiday shopping completed by the end of Thanksgiving?

Obviously it’s too late for that deadline. But if you start today, you can still get done in plenty of time and be on your way to enjoying a stress-free holiday season.

I love giving presents. In fact, I enjoy the whole process from picking a present to packaging and the actual delivery. But not everyone feels the same way. Over the years I have observed different patterns of behaviors among friends and family when it comes to gift giving for the holidays, birthdays and anniversaries.

Here are four categories of gift-givers I have noticed:

1. Settlers.

This group struggles with the idea of what to get, and usually settles for the first thing they see. Their primary focus is to just to get the “chore” of gift giving out of the way.

2. Exchangers.

These people typically spend money on useless things, with the idea that if the receiver does not like the present, he or she will exchange it for something else. Exchangers usually buy their gifts in department stores and include a gift receipt to make it easy to return the item.

3.Don’t ask, don’t tellers.

These people buy presents that are not returnable. Then they package the present so that you would never know where it was purchased and would be too embarrassed to ask. Often, the present either goes to someone else you don’t really care about or ends up in your storage (a definite no-no!).

4.Scrooges.

Some people get so fed up with the process that they say, “To hell with it!” and stop giving gifts all together.

What do all four groups have in common? They all view gift giving as an unpleasant and distasteful task. However, if you fall into one on these categories, let me assure you that gift giving need not be a difficult process if it’s thought out and planned ahead.

Get Organized!

The biggest problem for most gift givers is the dilemma of the unknown -- we don’t know what to get for our loved ones. The following tips can help you choose the right gift each and every time:

•Pay attention to the details. If you’re out shopping with a friend, notice the kinds of things she picks out for herself. This will give you some good ideas on what to get for the next present.

•Make it personal. Most of us are busy and stressed out from our daily activities. A gift certificate to the spa for a massage, pedicure or manicure is an easy and welcome gift.

•Be in tune with what’s happening to the people around you. If a friend is going through some hardships and needs a “pick me up,” an inspirational CD, DVD or book makes an excellent gift. Or, if someone has an interest in a hobby, craft or artistic endeavor but can’t seem to get started, the gift of a private lesson may be just what they need to kick their creativity into gear.

My favorite gift is a gift basket, and I don’t mean the kind with lumpy cheese and stale crackers. It’s easy to put together a custom-made basket of goodies for your loved ones. All you have to do is buy the items and take them to a specialty store, where they will assemble the basket for you. If you don’t have time to shop, you can order a basket by picking and choosing the items you like.

My favorite store is Adels II, in Encino California, where everything in the store is personalized. They have items for every age, price and category, so you can’t go wrong. Most of us feel very special when we open a box to find our name or initials engraved on the present.

Another hit item is family photos that are framed or in the form of a calendar. These inexpensive gifts can be done at Kinkos or any other print shop. You can also do them online. To make the gift really memorable, arrange a private sitting with a photographer and have your photograph printed on canvas. It will look like a painted masterpiece and will be cherished for years to come.

To get organized and remain focused:

a) Make a list of everyone that you would like to give a gift to.

b) Set a budget. Whether it costs $5 or $500, each gift has to be just as special (believe me, it can be).

c) Set a date by when this gift has to be purchased.

d) Visualize how it will be packaged and sent or delivered.

e) Place a checkmark by each person’s name when their gift has been purchased. Place a second checkmark when the gift has been wrapped.

f) Review your list to see whether you have to deliver or send each gift. Not until the gift is sent or delivered can you cross the name off the list.

Finally, think how you would feel about receiving the gift. A beautifully packaged $5 Starbucks gift card with a warm greeting card will be more appreciated than a useless gift that never gets used.

When you put thought, time and love into your gift giving process, the person receiving the gift feels special and appreciated. After all, isn’t that why we give gifts in the first place?

Cheers,
Yana


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Let's Stay Positive

Sometimes despite the fact when everything is going our way, we anticipate that something bad is about to happen. We even ask ourselves is to day the day?

If we could see into the future beforehand, our lives would be pain and worry free. But we can’t, can we?

Actually, we can, here is how:

Stop the negative thought process, just let it go.

Don’t get caught up in ‘”your reality” of daily overload.

Clear your mind that will allow you to make better choices.

It’s the easiest thing to be a victim. It’s so much harder to have a positive attitude at all times, but I assure you it can be done.

Let today be the day you start the positive thought process.



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Stress Free Thanksgiving

Throughout history, harvest festivals and thanksgiving celebrations were held by the ancient Greeks, the Romans, the Hebrews, the Chinese, and the Egyptians. Centuries later, we still gather with family and friends at this time of year to say a prayer and give thanks for the earth’s bountiful blessings.

Unfortunately, the many hours of slaving in the kitchen, preparing the house for the guests and getting everything organized often makes us tired, agitated and stressed out. By the time the guests arrive, we are too worn down and out of breath to enjoy the holiday and the company of the ones we love.

This Thanksgiving, I propose something different.

For many years, the above scenario described most of my Thanksgivings. In fact, every year I drove myself (and everyone else) to exhaustion with my elaborate preparations. Worse, the stress started long before any of the guests showed up at the door.

Each year we invited 23 people, because that’s how many could fit at our formal dining room table. And that’s where the stress started. Who should we invite this year? Who will get their feelings hurt because they weren’t invited? No matter whom we invited, it seemed that someone important always got left out.

After agonizing over those decisions, the invitations then had to be designed and mailed -- another time-consuming and stressful activity. God forbid I should entertain the idea of buying ready-made invitations! No, they had to be custom designed and printed in order to be good enough for my family and friends. And of course the house had to be decorated and spotlessly cleaned.

I always began cooking three days ahead because I insisted on preparing everything from scratch, including the bread and chocolate truffles. For some reason it was not permissible to buy a loaf of the best bread or ready-made dough. Even with all the advance preparations, when Thursday arrived I was up at 5 a.m. and in the kitchen scrambling to get all the food cooked and ready to go. By the time our guests arrived at 5 pm., I was ready to tell them all off and go to sleep.

That’s when the real fun began! Someone needed this drink or that juice, this spice or that seasoning, or some other stupid thing that wasn’t on the table. I ran around in circles trying to be the perfect hostess, and when the guests finally departed, my husband and I cleaned for 24 hours.

When it was all over, the only thing I was thankful for was that I didn’t have to do it again for another 12 months!

A Baja Thanksgiving

This went on for many years, until after one particularly hectic Thanksgiving feast my husband announced that he had had enough. “From now on,” he proclaimed, “we will no longer be in town for Thanksgiving. Instead, we will celebrate this wonderful holiday somewhere outside of the country.” (That way, I would not get any ideas.)

Being an obedient wife, I obliged. My husband took the matter into his hands and we now spend every Thanksgiving weekend in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. Some years our parents and friends join us; other years it’s just the six of us. We eat whole grilled fish instead of turkey, and everyone has a grand, stress-free time.

Now, I’m not suggesting that you ditch your family and friends and run away to Mexico. But ladies, please, the time has come to stop stressing ourselves out over this or any other holiday.

If you insist on staying home and cooking, make it easy on yourself. If you haven’t already heard, many grocery stores offer whole complete Thanksgiving dinners ready to go. You simply tell them how many people you need to feed and they do all the cooking for you. All you have to do is drive to the store and pick everything up on Thanksgiving Day.

If you still want to cook, don’t be afraid to cut a few corners. Buy the loaf of bread at your local bakery. No one will notice that you didn’t make it yourself. Use Pepperidge Farm ready-made stuffing and cranberry sauce in a can. If you’re making the turkey, marinate it ahead of time and place it in the fridge. Try to do as much as possible in advance so that you have nothing to do except put things in the oven on the actual day. That way, you can spend more time decorating your feast than actually cooking it.

Before your guests arrive, take a nap for 20 minutes, followed by a hot shower. Do your make up, hair and nails, and please remember why everyone is coming over. This is a holiday in which we give thanks for the things we have and the people around us. Let’s enjoy our family and friends and look forward to the next year.

Warning

This “laid-back” approach may not appeal to anyone younger than 40. (Like I said in my last article, wisdom comes slowly.) But if you’re looking for a more joyful and less stressful Thanksgiving holiday, it just might work for you.

Cheers, Yana


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How to Remember All Birthdays, Anniversaries and Holidays

Everyone likes to feel special—it’s part of our human nature! Why not develop a personal system that remembers birthdays, family and friends wedding anniversaries and a schedule that sends holiday cards on time, every year, so that the process is fun, rather than, a dreaded experience!.

Friends and acquaintances are amazed by my ability to remember everyone’s birthday or anniversary—some cannot believe that I actually have these dates written down. The days of having the ability to remember what I had for breakfast yesterday are long past (“Al” Alzheimer and I are becoming faster than I want friends these days!).. I do, however make it a point to remember and record those significant dates when I meet new acquaintances . I record a person’s birthday and mailing/email address into my Pocket PC phone device, which I later sync with my computer at home.

In the days before computers, that kind of recording was transferred year-to-year ,by hand, into my “little black book”, and honestly , I miss those times. If, for some reason you forgot a birthday, you at least had the excuse that you did not glance at your Day Timer. Now the cell phone will ring, the computer will have pop-up menus, and unless one is visually and auditory-impaired, there is no excuse TODAY!

When my first child was born, I decided that I would send a holiday card, along with her photograph, every year to all of my family and friends. My husband thought I was a bit crazy and he would say, “ . . . besides, no one appreciates all your hard work and effort,” but I strongly disagreed. Almost twenty years later (and equal number of holiday cards delivered), I can only say that as my immediate circle of family and friends grew, so too did the number of holiday cards in my mailbox. Most of my family and friends thought it was a great idea to keep in touch and they too, reciprocated by sending photographs of their growing family. And “God forbid . . . ” someone did not receive a holiday card—I would never hear the end of it!

Many years ago I designed a system for sending holiday cards on time which included the participation of the entire family. I have refined this system over the years, and by doing so I no longer have to worry about being late and stressed. Everyone of my four children remind me in November that we need to discuss the design and place the order for our cards. A few years ago, they not only ordered them, but they began designing the cards themselves—in other words they took over the process and were proud of their work—I was too! As a matter of fact, that is how my son became computer savvy—he had no choice in the matter. Each year I wanted a “unique” card, and each year ended up being better than the prior one. I certainly did not want to pay top prices for someone else to design it when I had the recourses right at home! My son’s only alternative was to learn how to work the graphs of his computer.

I promise you that if you follow these simple steps, the holiday card writing process will be very easy and rewarding for everyone in the family—it is a great activity for all ages!

Please keep in mind that Chanukah has different date of celebration every year, some times it is as early as the first week of December, because the celebration lasts eight days even if you mail out your cards on the 7th of December you will still be on time.

ORGANIZING 101:

TIMELINE

Decide as a family if you are going to use a group photograph on your holiday card. If so, make sure you take that picture no later than during the Thanksgiving break—the children are homework free and are spending lots of time at home.


* BY November 30th :Process and chose a photograph,. Print as many as needed.

* BY December 1st: Buy a “ready” card so that the photo can be pasted on. Buy cards inexpensively at Costco or any other discount store. Keep in mind you can get a “super deal” if you buy cards right after the holidays and store them for the following year—it’s a double bonus!

* BY December 3rd:Update your address book constantly throughout the year be diligent about this. If you have followed this advice you will accomplish two things; your address book is current and up-to-date; and when you need your address book during the hectic holidays you do not have to hunt down every little piece of scrape paper you secretly stored –the information is ready at a “click”.
Once you have your updated list, print out the information along with labels or envelopes that you plan to use.

* BY December 5th: One night after homework, gather your children around the dining room table (remember any child 3-years or older can participate). Place the youngest in charge of pasting the picture on the front or inside cover of the card (depending on the layout everyone agreed to). If it is a little off center—everyone you send the card to will know it was made by the loving hands of your future graphic artist-in-training,
Rachael (age 4). Have them place the labels and stamps on each envelop.

* BY December 6th: Now take this stack of “done” cards and envelops and gather around the table one last time and have everyone sign each card along with a personal greeting from you.Place each card in its’ appropriate envelope, and place a check mark on your list of names and addresses that was printed earlier. (do not seal the envelop just yet)

You are now ready to send you cards, so why are they not sealed? Well, it is only December 6th, if you are sending your cards for Christmas you have at least two weeks to get them sent out on time. What if someone had something special happen to them from the time that you addressed the card? Or what if that someone became sick, or is feeling blue? Built into this system is flexibility to add, at the last minute, words of encouragement and care.

When you seal each card (a chore that your children or grandchildren love doing), make sure to place the second check mark on the printed sheet, with the names and addresses, just to make sure that you have addressed, stamped, & sealed each card. Now, go deliver them to the post office!

Birthday and Anniversary Cards

Buying cards in bulk is a real score. Whenever I see a nice box of “Thank You”, “Birthday” or “Anniversary” cards, I buy few boxes at a time. And always remember to have plenty of stamps on hand either in a roll of 100’s or in decorative sheets.

Costco sells card sets for $15.00 dollars, and hand-made varieties for every occasion. This is a great value, and the cards are awesome!

I do not send a birthday card to everyone in my address book. Just like most of us we are all too busy. However, there are a few people in life that deserve some recognition. For those in that “special” category I take the time, placing “life” on hold for 5 minutes, and write a hand-written wish for them on their birthday or anniversary.

To do this, print your calendar on the first of each month. Select the ones that will receive cards, address them, write you wishes, place a sticker on which day the card has to be mailed, but again, do not seal the card. Remember, anything can happen between the 1st of the month to the time that you go to the post office.. This way a few special lines can be added to your greeting without having to re-write the card.

On the correct day mail the card (allow for 2 days for local delivery and 5 days for across the country), and call on the day of the birthday or anniversary. Guaranteed you will not only make their day, but yours as well!

REMEMBER—this method works if you actually follow it!

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When Angelina Jolie Lips are Not a Good Thing

When we launched Fabulously40.com, our marketing director urged me not to write any blogs, articles or postings that addressed the topic of how our bodies begin to deteriorate as we age. At 30-something, she considered it a depressing aspect of getting older, and insisted that no one wanted to hear or talk about. Reluctantly, I agreed.

When I suddenly started having “eye” issues, I said nothing. When I began soaking myself in oils and creams because my skin was too dry, I didn’t mention it. When sciatic pain began to wake me up at night, I didn’t write about it. When I began to get pink blotches on my face, I masked it with makeup and tried to ignore it. When I somehow tore my rotator cuff and the doctor suggested surgery, again I remained silent. Every time a doctor announced that another of my conditions was “chronic,” I cringed but honored my word.

Well, ladies, I will remain silent no more!

Last night I returned home from a business meeting, exhausted from driving for several hours. Skipping dinner, I decided to go straight to bed. I didn’t stress over my kids’ activities or next day’s chores, I just took a shower and fell asleep. When my husband came to bed, I woke up and noticed that my lips felt dry (another new condition I have acquired in the last few months). I applied some Chapstick and went peacefully back to sleep.

Three hours later, I awoke with the very unusual feeling of “dribbling” lips. I nodded off again and awoke an hour later, this time feeling like my lips were “all over my face.” I jumped out of bed, and turned on the light. The face I saw in the mirror was beyond my comprehension.

Good Lips Gone Bad

Sometime during the night, Ronald McDonald had taken over my body and adornedit with his enormous bright red lips. I looked like a woman whose lip injection treatments had gone really bad. I tried to recall what I had eaten during the day and what I had done the night before, thinking that perhaps I was having an allergic reaction. But I couldn’t come up with anything. At 3:00 in the morning, the only logical conclusion was that after so many years of marriage, I had become allergic to my husband.

Thinking that antihistamines would help, I woke up my daughter, who suffers from allergies, and borrowed a few pills. She was horrified by my appearance. I then applied all kinds of creams to my lips and face and went back to bed. When I awoke in the morning, I discovered that my lips had grown even larger and more grotesque. I mean, they looked like Angelina Jolie’s lips on steroids! Despite the gravity of the situation, I remember thinking, “Why couldn’t I wake up with her body?”

Unable to get any work done, I whined, moaned and complained for hours until my husband finally made me go to the doctor. To my great disappointment, this is what she said: “You have a very common condition among women your age. As women get older, they require a lot more liquids and oils. You need to drink at least 10 glasses of water a day, use lip moisturizer, get enough sleep and live a healthy life style. You should also consume plenty of flax seed and omega oils, along with a variety of other nutrients that I will write down for you.”

She ended her speech with a devastating statement: “I hate to disappoint you, but this could be a chronic condition.” At the sound of that hated word, I began laughing hysterically, while the poor young dermatologist looked at me in disbelief. She was probably wondering whether to prescribe loony pills instead of creams and oils.

Walking out of her office, I called two of my best friends and announced my new “condition.” Because both of them are fabulously40, they had no problem relating or sympathizing with me. We all agreed that lip injections were not for me, and even if I thought about them in the future, this was a clear sign that I should “never go there.” They were also happy to hear that I wasn’t allergic to my husband, so they didn’t have to endure another divorce.

We agreed to meet this weekend to go shopping, but not for the lingerie, shoes or accessories. Instead, our mission is to find organic flax seeds with a kick, omega oils that taste good, vitamins that will revive us, and a good book to get us through the night -- just in case insomnia kicks in.

But, ladies of the club, would we exchange all of our conditions, symptoms and aches for the wisdom that came with them? No way! Angelina Jolie may have lips to die for, but we can kill with our looks, symptoms and knowledge.

Health Tip

To make sure I get my good oils, I started to have a protein shake for breakfast every day. Not only do I get my good oils, I also get high quality protein, a very healthy fruit and good fats all in one meal. Here's the recipe:

1 cup frozen blueberries

1 scoop whey protein powder

4 capsules/1 tablespoon Udo's Choice Oil or Flax Seed Oil

1 - 2 cups nonfat milk (depending on how thick you like your shakes)

Simply pour into blender and mix well.

You can substitute any fruit you like, such as strawberries, apples, bananas, etc.

Using frozen fruit makes it into a slushy, which in my opinion, makes it taste better.

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Epiphany

Wisdom Comes Slowly



I find it absolutely amazing how the years change not only our physical and mental condition, but our personality, stamina and spunk.

Growing up, I was always a rebel. I argued, negotiated and partied, and if the opportunity to do something forbidden presented itself, I was always first in line to do it.

Proud of my rebellious nature, I remember making a promise to myself that when I become a parent I would never restrict my kids, never preach, and never demand anything of them. Ha! As soon as I become a parent I quickly turned into the biggest hypocrite on this planet, even before my children had a chance to grow into wild, hormone-filled teenagers.

Wanting to give the world to my children, I insisted on providing the environment I thought was imperative for them. Sure, they were allowed to make their own choices, as long as I defined the options they could choose from. Absolutely they could choose their own friends, as long as I approved of them. Getting bad grades was not an option, and if they did, the consequences would be swift, harsh and unfair. Who they wanted to be and what they wanted to major in was their choice. Which school they attended was mine (and my husband’s).

Looking back at my experiences with friends and colleagues, I see myself being very judgmental and vocal—it was my way or the highway. I had little patience when teaching coworkers, and no tolerance for stupidity. Sometimes I was painfully honest and hurt people along the way. I always had the best intentions, but I don’t think my honesty made people feel any better.

I’m not too proud of the way I sometimes acted during my youth. Yet, I can honestly say that those years served as a stepping-stone to arrive at where I am today.


Startling Epiphany


Recently, I wrote an article that I thought was phenomenal. It covered a topic I felt very passionate about, and it seemed like the time was right to share my thoughts with the world.

I sent the article to few of my friends and, to my surprise, received a very negative response across the board. As I read their comments, I became very defensive and even more judgmental. Who were they to question my opinion on this important subject? Couldn’t they tell I was right? And besides, writing a blog on regular basis isn’t easy. I don’t see any of them doing it!

Feeling hurt and full of righteous indignation, I decided to publish the article anyway. Who cares what others would think or say? As I said earlier, my way or the highway! It was then (fortunately), that the years of experience kicked in.

As soon as I made my decision, I was overwhelmed with a foreign feeling. A little voice inside of me said to hold off on publishing the article. No particular reason; just don’t do it. Puzzled by my reaction, I decided to take a cool shower and then go out for a walk. While walking, I mentally reviewed the article and reconsidered the constructive criticism offered by my friends. In doing so, I experienced a major epiphany.

I suddenly realized that understanding and recognizing my own faults would make me less critical of others. It became evident that I could achieve a lot more through tolerance and understanding, and that negative energy is always counter-productive. It’s better to live life with a positive attitude and zest, and it’s far more rewarding to give that opportunity to others and provide them with a positive environment to do the same.

I ended up tossing the article and began work on a different one instead. I have since come to realize that the little voice inside me was none other than the voice of maturity, which only arrives after years of experience. It still feels a bit like a stranger, but as time goes by I think we will become good friends.


My grandpa always said, “You have to go through years of being stupid until you become wise.” I always believed him but I never thought it would take this long. So now I am wondering, does it take everyone 40+ years or am I just slow?

Oh well. I figure as long as I’m still learning and growing, I must be on the right track. And as the saying goes: “It’s better late then never!”



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Life's Embarassing Moments

Our house is always full of teenagers.

Every child has at least two to three close friends. Our house is always ear piercing as all of them show up for dinners, lunches, or just to vegetate out on our couch. Multiply that by four of our own kids, and the numbers become significant.

Having so many teens with a healthy appetite, I always make sure to have enough food on the table and in the fridge to keep them from eating junk food. Every night when we sit down to dinner we usually have enough food to feed ten to twelve people. However, last night we ran out of food. My son was mortified. He couldn’t believe how that was possible that people showed up and we didn’t have “enough food.”

I shrugged my shoulders and said: “That’s what happens when nine more people show up for dinner unexpectedly.” My son responded that he was still embarrassed.

If he thought that was embarrassing, I have another story to tell you.

It was a hot summer night. Our oldest daughter who occupies the bedroom downstairs was visiting her friend in college. I woke up at 4:30 in the morning thinking how hot it was. Our air-conditioning unit recently broke upstairs and I decided to go downstairs to our air-conditioned first floor to sleep in my daughter’s bedroom. As I opened her door I saw a silhouette of my son who was sleeping in her bed. I found It amusing that he too was hot and decided to come downstairs. With eyes half closed, I was about to get in bed next to him as the next door opened and my other daughter appeared dressed for work. She asked me why I was downstairs, I told her that I’ll be sleeping with her brother in our daughters bed because it was too hot upstairs.. She told me that her brother was sound asleep in his own bed, and what I saw in my daughter’s bed was his best friend who was spending the night.

I saw my daughter’s expression change as she saw my face twitch. She saw my eyes open widely and have the look of a mad woman staring back at her. The thought that I almost got in bed with my son’s best friend was beyond anything I could comprehend.

Now this can be told as a joke at a gathering or looked back as one of life’s close-call embarrassing
moments. However, at the time I wasn’t laughing.

I was just grateful for my hardworking daughter who happened to be at the right place at the right time.

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College on almost a dime...

Raising four children very close to the same age, my husband and I always stressed over the college fees that awaited us.

By now, most of the parents know that unless you have a genius in your family, or a supper athlete, scholarship is a far fetched alternative.

I adore my children and think that they are all pretty smart and determined, but geniuses and supper athletes they are not. As they got older I realized that scholarship wasn’t the only issue. Now-days unless they have a GPA of 4.0 or greater a good university is not within their reach.

As my oldest daughter graduated from high school with a 3.6 GPA, my husband and I were elated when she was accepted to a reputable UC school. Elated and shocked, because many of her friends didn’t get in. You see 3.6 is not good enough now days.

My other daughter at about the same time announced that high school was not a place she wanted to be for the next two years, and she was determined to take a proficiency test and start attending community college.

Luckily for us, we have heard about the TAG program and thought it was a great idea. Both my son and my daughter took the proficiency exam and passed. At that time my husband and I were forced to make a decision, do we make them stay in school or allow them to go to college that year.

After few weeks of contemplation we decided that while our daughter who was 16 at the time was responsible enough to attend community college, our son, on the other hand who was 17 was to remain in school.

Fast forward a year and a half later, and I can happily report that this by all means was the right decision. Our daughter is doing great and is almost done with all of her requirements, she will have no trouble at all transferring to any UC or State school of her choice.

Our son has graduated High School and began his first year in community college. He is now much more wiser and grown up compared to last year.

If your kids are getting average grades, and not scoring supper points on the football field, I encourage you to look into this program in your community college. The program allows your child to complete two years of required units and transfer to University as a third year student. Your child has to be at least 16 years old to take the proficiency test. Even though this is probably not be the “college” experience your son or daughter is looking for, for the first two years, but it will take away not only financial burden away from you, but much of the stress on getting them into the “right” college.

Currently the only aspect of college that my husband and I stress over, is when our middle daughter transfers to the university of her choice, after two years of community college she will transfer as a Junior, which means that she will be graduating at the same time as our oldest daughter. We are now trying to figure out, who will attend who’s graduation, if they happen to be on the same day in two different cities.

But this is the kind of stress I can handle.

All the best,
Yana


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Breaking Up Is Hard To Watch

What can be worse than breaking up with your first love?

Think back to that magical first time you fell in love.  Remember the butterflies in your stomach, the sparkle in your eyes, and the stupid smile on your face?  How even 10 minutes apart from your newfound love could seem like an eternity?  How the simple act of holding hands could make you feel like the most special person on the planet?

Now fast-forward a few weeks, a month, or perhaps even years ahead, and what happened?  You broke up and went your separate ways, most likely never to see each other again. 

Nothing prepared you for the pain, the tears and the emptiness that ensued.  The smile vanished from your face, the sparkle left your eyes, and all you had left was a big, empty hole in your stomach.

Remember how it felt like the end of the world, like nothing could ever hurt that badly again?  Well, here it is 25 years later and you realize that the pain you felt then cannot even remotely be compared to what you’re going through now. 

What on earth could possibly be worse then breaking up with the love of your life?  The answer is simple -- it’s watching your child break up with the first love of her life. 

You know that it almost doesn’t matter what you say in order to make her feel better.  You remember (even if it was a quarter of a century ago) how your own mother consoled you and promised that the pain would go away and you would love again.  You remember how you spent hours crying yourself to sleep, wishing that it was all just a dream.  And you recall that it took time, and many dates later, to realize that life wasn’t over and the best was yet to come. 

Most of all, you want to wave a magic wand to take the pain away and make everything all right.  Instead, you rock your “baby’ in your arms, bite your tongue, and try not to say all the things that seem right and necessary, the same words of wisdom your own mother had for you.  You hold her tightly and hope that her pain will subside very quickly, and that you can provide the on-going support and open communication she needs at this time.

And as you sit there fighting to hold back your own tears, you take some comfort in the knowledge (borne from your own painful experience) that this is, after all, only a temporary condition.

All the best,
Yana

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On Dating A Younger Men

If you were my close friend, you would know that I’m not exactly flexible. In fact, I tend to be very opinionated, judgmental and sarcastic. (Having put this down on paper, I suddenly find myself wondering how I’m so fortunate to have so many friends.)

Recently, one of my dear girlfriends met a man that she really likes. However, she wasn’t sure how our immediate group of friends would react to the fact that her beau is 10 years her junior. Fortunately, she confided in me before getting all stressed out about the relationship. My reaction to her situation surprised even me.

At age 20, I would have been shocked. At 30, I might have felt a bit apprehensive. But at 41, I think it’s phenomenal!

In the previous century (also known as the dating Dark Ages), a 10-year difference would have constituted a serious hurdle for those in the relationship. It would also have stirred up plenty of disapproval from those outside it. But come on, people, this is the 21st century! Why should a 10-year age gap be a big deal?

I think it’s wonderful when a man is attracted to a woman for all the right reasons. If a 30-year old successful, educated male is interested in a 40-year old woman who is beautiful, versatile, funny, sharp and successful, what’s wrong with that?

Why is it that all of us have to live by the rules? Why do we need to explain our actions or defend ourselves when we are in love or in lust? Why do we have to be just like everyone else? Why do we have to constantly conform to what society expects of us?

h3. The beauty of being fabulously forty is that we don’t!

Who cares what our neighbors think? Or what our ex-mother in law gossips about? And the women at the gym need something to salivate about, don’t they? You’re both adults, and as long as the relationship is based on love, respect and trust, it doesn’t matter how big the age gap might be.

The truth is, this is your life, and it’s your responsibility to live it and enjoy the heck out of it. So the next time you start to get stressed out about a situation that doesn’t fall into the typical “norm,” forget about analyzing it and trying to accommodate everyone around you. Instead, do what feels right for you and “go for the gusto!”


After all, if you don’t make yourself happy, who will?

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When A Man Can’t Commit

Are you dating a man who won’t come right out and say “no,” but never quite gets around to saying “yes”?

My grandma convinced me at a very early age that if a man isn’t married by age 30, you should write him off because “it ain’t gonna happen.”  Granted, times have changed, but the concept of commitment has not. 

Today, more and more people tend to marry older, often because both women and men strive to finish their education and become financially independent prior to making a commitment.  Nevertheless, the issue of commitment remains a thorny one for many couples.

Let’s fast-forward a decade and see where we stand.  Suppose that you, as a fabulously forty sorority sister, are dating someone your age or older who has never been married.  I won’t be the one to say a 40-year old single male will never stand before the altar.  But let’s get real here.  Anyone that old who refuses to commit has real issues.

At the same time, I would never advise anyone not to date a man that age who has never been married.  But you need to see him for who he really is.  He might be the nicest, brightest guy on the planet, but you have to be smart and observant.  Don’t fall into the trap of making excuses on his behalf when you speak to your friends.  And don’t try to change the subject when they ask why his other relationships didn’t work out.  Your friends have your best interests at heart.  Listen carefully to his stories and don’t be biased.  Remember, every story has two sides to it. 

Finally, give yourself a timeline and stick to it.  If he refuses to commit, you’re better off walking away from the relationship.  Not because your biological clock is ticking, and not because you can’t be without a man.  Quite simply, your time and your life are too valuable to waste.

As a fabulously forty & beyond you are unique and you deserve the best.  If he can’t give that to you, it’s time to take a detour.  Say sayonara, move on….and never look back!

All the best,
Yana




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Am I Greatful?

How often do we hear that we should be grateful for what we have. How often do we outer the same phrase to others?

A mother gets up every morning just to rush to feed the kids, pack their lunch, walk the dog, get to work and be productive. While stressing over projects, dead lines and meetings, a mother needs to arrange a play date, schedule a doctors appointment, and look to find out that the next due date to apply for school, for the next semester of college is still with in her reach.

We run home to make dinner and check on our younger kids’ homework while we listen to our teenagers complain about life not being fair. From the corner of one eye a pile of bills catches your attention, and you make a mental note that they can no longer wait. Housework that we so much hope will be done by others in our immediate household is left undone…and finally last but not least our significant other is just waiting for his turn to be attended to. We pick up a ringing phone and listen to our parents talk about their health issues, and then switch to the second line just to hear about how our best friend has had it with her husband’s middle age crisis, and she is ready to walk…Where and how she hasn’t figured it out, but she just needed to vent and to share that little piece of information with you, and some where down the path of that conversation you think you just picked up on the thought that crossed her mind…”I can always take my two little munchkins and move to my friends house, at least until all the chaos is resolved.” By the time you’re done with everyone’s drama, you look and notice that you just cleaned the whole kitchen without even realizing it. You kiss the kids goodnight and flop on your couch, and precisely at that moment, you hear an inner voice… I should be grateful?…Is that what I heard someone at work say to me today?

Finally sitting on the couch-next to a pile of laundry, I automatically start folding while thinking about what should be cooked for dinner tomorrow, I decide to flip on the evening news…

From one channel to the next the evening news presents all the possible horrors one might imagine. Between the war, the earthquakes, the floods and fires, the outside world is full of tragedies, and as you switch the TV off you realize that:

While my kids may not be the angels about who I never have to worry about, they are good kids…My husband who even after a hard day at work offers his support and encouragement, even if it’s almost midnight when he is ready to show it…is a good thing. Although my parents who are complaining of their constant medical problems, are alive and with me today... The house, even if it needs work, is a place I call home, and as I crawl into bed exhausted and sleepy I feel a warm body of the man I love and think that I’m not only Grateful but very much Happy.

Fabulously40

Parenting Our Parents

Today’s blog deals with a sad topic, but one we all must deal with sooner or later -- aging parents.

It’s amazing how time flies.  As children, we’re dependent upon our parents for virtually everything in life.  The next thing you know, we’re all grown up, giving our parents advice, telling them what to do and trying to organize their lives.  The amazing thing is that they actually listen and sometimes even comply.

I was always very proud of having the youngest parents around.  My parents got married and had me when they were barely 18.   It was wonderful growing up with young parents, and I feel blessed to have them still relatively young next to my children and I.  However, most of my friends are not as fortunate.  Their parents tend to be much older, and the years take their toll.  As a result, I get to watch how they struggle to take care of their parents while balancing their own lives. 


A friend’s grandfather -- who is very wealthy -- decided to open a CD without saying a word to anyone.  He transferred all his money into a high-yield CD with ridiculous penalties for early withdrawal.  When the grandmother came upon a paper with a maturity date of 2034, she immediately contacted her son-in-law.  After a few calls to the bank, he confirmed that grandpa had indeed locked away all his money for the next 28 years. 

The question is – why did he do it?  His daughter is in her ‘60s and his only grandson is in his ‘40s. Clearly they could use the money when grandpa finally passes away.  The answer had to do with the misguided intentions of grandpa.  At 92, he knows he will not live forever, but he believes his children will.  So it seemed like a good long-term decision to put the money away until they “really need it.”

Please talk to your parents and get their finances straight while they are alive.  If necessary, bring in a CPA or financial planner to help with the process.  Above all, make sure they have a power of attorney in place for their finances and for their medical wishes.  Making these kinds of decisions before they are forced upon you will save all kinds of heartache and legal problems when you least need them.

Through it all, the hardest part is learning to care for those who cared for us as children.  Even when we grow up and have children of our own, we still consider ourselves children while our parents are alive.  It is only after they have left us that we become real adults and assume the mantle of “elder generation.”

For the past year, a very dear friend of mine has been struggling to take care of her sick father.  Even with the help of three sisters it has been no easy task.  Recently she asked me a poignant question for which I had no answer: How come one parent can take care of four kids, but four kids are unable to take care of one parent?

I’ll be thinking about that one for a long time to come.

All the best,
Yana

Join us as at Fabulously40 as we embark on our journey to the BEST part of our lives.

Turning 40 Life Assessment

The Big “Four-O” -- A Time For Reflection

Unlike many, turning 40 was not a heartbreaking experience for me.

Instead, I saw it as a much-needed time for reflection and introspection. For sitting back and analyzing what I had accomplished up to that point and trying to determine what should go next on my “to do” list of life. In the process, I came to the somewhat unsettling realization that my ideas of success, as well as my priorities, had changed significantly over the last few years.

While growing up, my parents constantly impressed upon me that family came first. As an adult, that core value remains dear to me today. However, it’s interesting to see how that value plays out differently today than 18 years ago.

Now, the small worries of preschoolers catching a cold have turned into the deeper concerns of teenagers getting into the right colleges, staying away from drugs, finding good friends and making the right choices. Increasingly, these concerns have become a major focal point of my life. At the same time, while my parents remained the backbone of my upbringing, it became apparent that our roles were slowly changing as well. Their health was gradually declining, and my time had come to start looking after them.

I feel very fortunate to have grown up with very young parents and two sets of grandparents. I also loved the fact that my children knew both their grandparents and their great grandparents. My kids learned so much from them, and I take special pride in knowing they had that opportunity. It was sad for all of us watching my grandparents get older and more fragile. But it was wonderful to see my children take care of them and return the love that had been given to them through the years.

I also took some time to look back and analyze my friendships. I felt blessed to have many of the same friends remain close for more than 20 years. In fact, my best friend from high school, Julia, whom I’ve known since our early teens, is still my very best friend. Our friendship has grown and evolved for 28 years.

True Friendship Stands the Test of Time

So what’s the point of this blog?

It’s not about what I achieved in my life on a professional level, or how much money I made or lost. Rather, it’s to dig into the relationships I have with my friends and see how they made my life so meaningful and rewarding. Too often, when looking back, we judge ourselves by the “trappings” of our lives -- the jobs, bank accounts, material possessions and all the things we put so much time and energy into acquiring. Yet in the end, I’ll take a good friend over any of those, any time.

To me, the most important aspect of friendship is the support, cheerleading and nourishment that such a relationship offers over the years. As we grow older, we all change. However, in true friendship, we change and grow together. And that’s why it’s so important to have good friends close to you during the tough times as well as the joyful ones.

In many ways, friendship is like marriage because you have to work on it every day. It’s not easy to meet someone at a young age and maintain a close relationship. For friendship to thrive, you have to be considerate of each other’s feelings and respect each other’s values and beliefs. But you also have to be sensitive to the little things, such as a friend’s financial status when going out for a night on the town.

My father always said that you could judge a person by how many true friends he or she has. Maybe that’s why friendship has meant so much to me all my life. Being Fabulously Forty, I would like to pass this on to my children and encourage you to pass it on to yours:

Acquaintances may come and go, but family and friends are the true anchors of life. Never lose sight of the fact that they are precious, no matter what the circumstances.




Join us as at Fabulously40 as we embark on our journey to the BEST part of our lives.

The Perils of Teenage Drinking

My husband and I had a very disturbing weekend.

It centered around an issue that far too many parents either don’t take seriously enough or bury their heads in the sand and avoid altogether.

I’m talking about teenage drinking.

Fortunately, the weekend turmoil resulted not from my own kids’ drinking but from the ignorance and denial exhibited by other parents. But before I climb up on my soapbox, let’s take a look at some frightening statistics.

Currently, alcohol use among young people under 21 is the leading drug problem in the U.S. According to the Center on Alcohol Marketing and Youth at Georgetown University:

* More youths in the U.S. drink alcohol than smoke tobacco or marijuana, making it the drug most used by young Americans.

* Every day, 5,400 young people under 16 take their first drink of alcohol.

* In 2005, one out of six eighth-graders, one in three tenth-graders, and nearly one out of two twelfth-graders were current drinkers.

* In 2004, more than 7 million youths ages 12 to 20 reported binge drinking, which is defined as “having five or more drinks on at least one occasion in the past 30 days.”

In addition, recent surveys have also found that:

* Girls are binge drinking more, while boys are binging less or increasing their binging at a slower rate than their female peers.

* Twelfth-grade female drinkers and binge drinkers are now more likely to drink distilled spirits than beer.

* The new "Alco pops" are particularly attractive to girls, and are most popular with the youngest drinkers.

The consequences of underage drinking are heartbreaking:

* Every day, three teens die from drinking and driving.

* At least six more youths under 21 die each day in non-driving alcohol-related cases, such as homicide, suicide and drowning.

* More than 70,000 college students are victims of alcohol-related sexual assault or date rape each year.

*Recent studies have found that heavy exposure to alcohol may interfere with adolescent brain development, causing loss of memory and other skills.

For a complete report of this Executive Summary, please see http://camy.org/research/status0306/

A Parent In Denial

These are sobering statistics, ones that every parent should take note of. So why is it that most of the parents I talk seem to be in complete denial?

This weekend, my husband and I were awakened at 1:20 a.m. by a parent who called to tell us that our son had been drinking and was running around drunk. When I asked what made him think our son was drunk, he claimed that our son and several others had been in his house drinking (unsupervised), and took off when he and his wife came home.

Not surprisingly, this parent sounded quite upset. Because the drinking took place in his home, he was worried about what would happen if any of the boys in question got in trouble or, worse, got killed in a car crash.

I asked him to calm down, and explained that my son was already home. Although he did have one beer while at his friend’s house, he wasn’t drunk and he wasn’t driving. Moreover, all the other boys involved were at home and safe in bed.

At that point, the parent flew into a rage, saying he couldn’t believe that I knew my son drinks and questioning my fitness as a parent. When I asked if he knew that his own son drinks, he insisted that I didn’t know what I was talking about and ordered my son to stay out of his house.

The sad part is, his response did not shock or even surprise me very much. In fact, I have had this conversation (or ones very much like it) with parents on a regular basis. For some reason, parents don’t want to acknowledge that their kids drink, smoke, or try drugs. Of course, other kids do these kinds of things, but never their own.

This Is Your Wakeup Call!

I happen to know that this particular parent’s son has a serious drinking problem. Not only does he drink too often and too much (often during school), he also drives when he drinks. Yet, his parents refuse to acknowledge that he drinks at all, much less has a drinking problem.

Obviously, not every teenager has a drinking problem. But the harsh reality is this -- like it or not, your kids will try cigarettes, alcohol and at least one recreational drug. Their behavior afterwards, and the choices they continue to make regarding alcohol and drugs, will depend to a large extent on your reaction to those experiments.

Instead of getting bent out of shape and claiming that it can’t or won’t happen in your house, please talk to your kids and listen without judgment. Allow your teenage children to confide in you, so that you can be there for them and guide them when they get into questionable situations.

My kids know-because I have told them again and again -- that while I don’t support their drinking, I will be there for them (and all of their friends) if they should become inebriated. No matter what time of day or night, I will pick them up and drive everyone home if they don’t have a sober driver.

Even at fabulously forty we can still make bad choices, and we sometimes pay a hefty price when we do. So it’s natural to want to prevent our kids from doing the same.
But it’s far more important that our kids know that we love them and will be there for them when they do make a mistake.

Our children are a reflection on us, and we want them to be perfect. But as we all know, we don’t live in a perfect world. The way I see it, we have two choices. We can choose to have kids that are not so perfect but are alive and well, or we can choose to be ignorant of their faults and risk losing them.

Personally, I choose the first option. For your sake and that of your teenagers, I hope you do the same.

Until next time,
All the best,
Yana



Join us as at Fabulously40 as we embark on our journey to the BEST part of our lives.

Fabulously40 Weekend Getaway

A Hectic Departure

The eve of my second official Fab40 All Girls Weekend Getaway had finally arrived, and I found myself excited and anxious at the same time.

Last year's event was a great hit, however, I knew everyone on that trip. This year would bring together several total strangers. I wondered...how will people I’ve never met fit into our Fabulously Forty Group?

Waking up an hour later than planned (for the first time in my life!) sent my husband and I into a frenzy. While I desperately tried to squeeze my “shapely” thighs into just-out-of-the-wash jeans, my husband dashed around the house gathering my things. I arrived at the airport at the last minute and had to charm my way into my plane, which was just about to shove off and taxi down the runway.

Greatly relieved at making the plane, I dropped myself into a seat and slowly exhaled. After a moment to unwind, I pulled out the agenda for the weekend and began reviewing the jam-packed roster of fun and relaxing activities. This time around I hoped to get my Fab40 group interested in setting up their own chapters, book clubs, gourmet clubs, knitting sessions, etc., and give them suggestions on how to do so in away that had all their Fab40 members screaming for more.

As my plane landed in Miami, I felt like a little girl going on her first big trip to the amusement park. Inside the terminal, I met with my group and was introduced to the sorority sisters that I didn’t know-about half the group. With smiles and hugs all around, we set out on our journey.

Controlled Chaos

We arrived at our condo and crowded inside, where we flipped a coin for beds and began unpacking. And that’s when the fun began!

Picture the following scenario-a small, two-bedroom condo right on the beach, two very small bathrooms, and seven pre-menopausal women all trying to get ready for a night on a town at the same time. The excitement, noise and laughter kicked the evening into high gear, and we didn’t slow down for the entire weekend.

Observing this year’s Fab40 gang brought a big smile to my face. How wonderful that seven women from all walks of life could leave their husbands, boyfriends, kids (15 total), jobs, parents and responsibilities behind, and come together for a weekend of fun and socializing! All of us had the same agenda-we wanted to be happy, healthy and content-and all of us deeply valued friendship.

At the same time, the seven of us were as different as women can be. Although most of us were working girls, not everyone had a hobby. I could see that I had my work cut out for me in terms of relating how important it is to have something you can call your own. But I also knew that as we got to know each other, we would bond within each passing hour.

A Night on the Town

Eventually, we all got ready and headed out for our big night on the town.

The place was South Beach, the scene was “Night Life,” and we were dressed to kill, or so we thought. As we approached our first night club-from the front entrance, like most people do-we were instructed to go to the side of the building and find an entrance there. We were just about to comply when a half-naked, 6-foot tall blond with unbelievably long legs and a scandalously short skirt sashayed up behind us and was immediately welcomed into the front entrance. No one instructed her to use a “service entrance” to get into the club.

At first we looked at one another in total disbelief, then we burst into laughter. And that, ladies, is the greatest part about being a women over 40. Rather than taking offense at getting turned down, we felt proud that we no longer had to compete. No longer did we have to prove to anyone that we were smarter, wiser, more confident and more composed than some 6-foot anorexic creature with wildly bleached blonde hair and 6-inch high heels!

However, being Fabuously40 also meant that we didn’t have to leave, either. We stood our ground and firmly explained to the bald-headed, overweight, arrogant bouncer (who was wearing sun glasses in the middle of the night!) that there were seven very temperamental women in front of him and he was being discriminatory. Between us we had the power to have him fired and enough legal wits to file a lawsuit against his “fine” establishment. He eyed us cautiously for a minute or two, and then reluctantly agreed that maybe we could use the front door after all.

The irony is that once inside, we quickly agreed that the place wasn’t good enough for the likes of us. We made a hasty exit and headed down the street, where we found another club more to our liking went and had a blast for the rest of the evening.

Wrapping It Up

Many power walks, swim-a-thons, noisy book discussions, movie reviews and “girl talk” sessions later, the weekend finally came to an end. As we threw our belongings into our suitcases and prepared to go our separate ways, we all came to the same conclusion about how to have a great Fabulously40 weekend.

Destination and accommodations are not important. Weather is helpful, but not crucial. Shopping is great, but we could live without it. What we couldn’t do without, and what made the weekend so special, was the exchange of valuable information and nurturing support we all gave each other.

We spent hours putting on make up, experimenting with different hair products and trying on each other clothes. When was the last time we had really done that? Or, more important, when was the last time we had the time, energy or desire to do that?

Personally, I found it very soothing to feel the camaraderie with other women who have the same weight problems, teenager issues and Fab40 medical syndromes and concerns, who want the same things out of life as I do, and more. My Fabulously40 sisters were empowering, inspirational, insightful and funny. The weekend gave me a bust of energy, and I really had to pat myself on the back and say:

Fabulously40 & beyond-what a great idea!




Join us as at Fabulously40 as we embark on our journey to the BEST part of our lives.

My Very First Blog

Let me begin by saying that all blogs are not created equal. Since they burst onto the Internet scene a few short years ago, blogs have been misunderstood, over-simplified and taken completely out of context.

Being some what confused as to the definition of a blog myself, I decided to conduct an informal survey to find out how many of my Fabulously Forty Sorority sisters could define the true meaning and purpose of a blog. After contacting several dozen of you, I learned that many didn’t know what a blog was, and of those who did, most misunderstood its purpose. Going a bit further in my research, I contacted an expert blog writer, who gave me the following description:

“Blog” is shorthand for “weblog.” Simply put, a blog is a frequent, chronological publication of personal thoughts and Web links. Blogs can be strictly business, intensely personal and everything in-between. Their primary purpose is to provide a forum for individuals to express their thoughts, feelings, opinions, ideas and information on a particular subject on an ongoing basis.

My First Opinion

Now that we know what blogs are, and what a great source of information exchange this could be for the Fabulously Forty crowd, I am committing to writing a blog at least a few times each month.

So here’s my first opinion. Blogs offer a wonderful tool for reaching out to others and sharing ideas and information. At the same time, they present a real danger to the naïve and the uniformed.

For those of you who have children, please sit down and explain to your kids that all blogs are public information. When children post information about themselves on MySpace.com, or any other websites that offers them to post their blog, anything they post can be viewed not only by their peers, but also by their schoolteachers, college professors and future employers. In fact, many employers are already beginning to search MySpace.com and other websites as a regular part of their pre-employment screening process.

Our innocent and trusting children need to understand that everything we do in life has consequences. If they post a message with inappropriate content, they will pay the price. Granted, some may get away with it and never be reprimanded. Others, however, will not be so lucky. All it takes is one adult in a position of authority to ruin the chance of getting that internship your child wanted or that job they applied for after finishing grad school.

In this new era of technology, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to keep our privacy under control. Don’t let your children compound the situation by making mistakes that will come back to haunt them when they become adults.

Your Thoughts?

The best part about blogs is the opportunity for the blogger and her audience to interact with each other. I welcome your feedback and would love to hear any reaction you have to this blog.

In the meantime, my next blog will give you a glimpse of the Fab40 Miami Weekend Getaway that I recently came from.

All the best,
Yana